Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Keeping it in my pants

Hello my faithful readers:

Happy Tuesday! Today I'm in a great mood because I heard Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine." She has a couple of lines that describe exactly how I'm feeling right now:

No time for moping around, are you kidding?

And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning

It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest

Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right

As promised today I'm going to share part two of my weekend adventures. I had a 2nd date with Mystervee (MV)- the guy who likes his girls "spontaneous." Well let's just say that although it wasn't a bad date, I realized that he's probably not someone I could see myself ever getting serious about. I am going to try to be fair and balanced in sharing this story with you and recognize that I am no angel and in the end he may feel like I led him on simply because I didn't speak up about certain things. To put some of my observations into context I should share that I recently read the new Steve Harvey book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment" because it puts into context some of the issues I had with MV.

MV finally called me around 1 pm on Saturday about meeting up that day. He asked what I felt like doing that day and I told him I was open to whatever he wanted to do with the exception of skydiving. He seemed to be at a loss for ideas so I threw out the idea of going to see the Oscar nominated shorts at the IFC Theater (thanks MILF for the suggestion). I jumped online to look for times and called out a few to him and was in the process of asking what time we should meet up when my landline rang. I told him I would call him back in about 5 minutes. I get back upstairs and called him and his voicemail picks up and I left a message telling him to call me back.

When I didn't hear from him within the next few minutes I continued cleaning my apartment and before you know it a few hours had passed. I realized if we were going to do this date thing I should probably figure out where he was so I texted him "U ok?" and he called me back immediately. Apparently he had headed into the city and was waiting for me. WTF? I was like we never confirmed a time so why did you come in without speaking to me? He said he was already heading in and he had been walking around killing time. I told him I needed about an hour and a half to get there to meet him and he releases a huge sigh and already I'm thinking to myself 'Who goes into the city without confirming a time or meeting place and what's the deal with your attitude?'

Realizing that I could have called him again or texted him earlier, I put a move on and jumped in the shower and head into the city. I call him before hopping on the train and we decide that we'll meet up in the West Village. When I meet him at the Barnes & Noble where he'd been killing time (secretly I loved that he chose to kill time in the bookstore) he asked what I felt like doing. I told him I was hungry and he mentioned that he had already eaten while waiting for me. Since I thought we were trying to catch the movie and it was a little after 7 I said that I could go for a slice of pizza.

While walking to the pizzeria I checked him out and noticed immediately that I hated his shoes. I then said "Oh you dressed up today" and he said "Oh no, I didn't I just have on a t-shirt under here." Folks I really wish that he hadn't unzipped his pullover sweater because the t-shirt he had on underneath had a little stain on it. and it wasn't the nicest t-shirt I'd ever seen. Mentally from that moment on I was paying extra attention to every action and every word he said. I realize now that this was probably the defining moment of the date for me because from that moment on lots of little things bothered me (subliminally).

We went to the pizzeria right next to the IFC Theater - I mentioned I didn't have any cash on me and he gave me a look and said "Oh you're one of those people who doesn't carry cash on you." I ordered a cheese slice and a bottle of water (he paid) and we sat in the back of the shop, I ate my slice and proceeded to question him more. The next thing that started to bother me was the fact that although I was asking him questions to get to know him better, there seemed to be no curiosity on his part about me.

Instead of going to the movies we decided to move on to a restaurant called Cuba for the mojitos (he suggested the place). It was cute and we both ordered mojitos , surprisingly he said it was too strong for him. We chatted a bit more and during conversation at Cuba I found out that he was older than I realized. It slipped out in the course of our conversation about birthday celebrations; he said that he was planning to celebrate his this year because it was a big one. He was turning 40. Although I didn't call him on the discrepancy I thought to myself - you're 39, but your profile at www.blacksingles.com says you're 37। Please believe I went home after our date and re-checked his profile and it indeed says that he's 37.

After our drinks at Cuba, we decided to walk around the village a little bit We stopped in a bookstore because he said he needed to look for some books for his paper at school. He's studying Social History and his project is a profile on Lincoln and his personal life. He mentioned that he is thinking about going back for his degree. When I asked him about what particular degree he was vague and his response was "whatever falls into place." Now I will admit that I had questioned him about his short term goals (per Steve's book) on the phone earlier that week and he was equally vague about his immediate short term goals saying that he was going to try to get some things going by investing in real estate again, but with a similar attitude of whatever fell into place would be what he pursues. After leaving the bookstore we stopped by his car to grab his gloves and he reaches over and kisses me. It was a nice kiss and I'd be lying to you all if I didn't admit that I am still very physically attracted to this dude. He's cute and he knows it...

After walking around a little more, he was trying to decide whether or not he would attend his nieces birthday party that night. I strongly encouraged him to go after his sister called him about it during our date. He decides that he isn't going to the birthday and mentions he's hungry again. I said I'd be happy to go with him to a restaurant if he was hungry. He then says "I have food at my house." Now I'm curious about this guy and I've heard about his house (he owns it) and curiosity got the best of me so I left my good sense back in the city and agreed to go to NJ to his place.

We got there and I have to say his house is pretty amazing. It was HUGE, although very masculine, tastefully decorated. He told me to make myself comfy, handed me the remote to his TV and headed into the kitchen to cook something to eat. I kept telling him I wasn't hungry, but he insisted on cooking for me (I never ate any of it because I made it clear I wasn't hungry). We sat there for a while watching TV together, then he tried to make out a bit and I told him "No" and explained that hey I liked him, but I'm not that easy. Here is where I must remind you that even though mentally I was turned off by a few things about MV, he is still damn FINE. Physically it was really hard for me to stand my ground and keep it in my pants. I give him kudos for being respectful of me and immediately backing off without pushing the issue.

Our date turned into a sleep over with my simple request for a blanket. It was a little chilly, we were downstairs watching TV and then he said "We'll be more comfortable up in my room." Now this move sealed my fate - I was going to get NO SLEEP that night, by agreeing to be his snuggle bunny for the night. You know why? Because this dude snores like a damn chainsaw. He snored and snored and snored. I realized that God was punishing me for not speaking up and getting my ass out of there by torturing me with MV's loud snoring. Needless to say, snoring IS NOT SEXY and his snoring is so bad that even if I didn't have other issues with him, for the snoring alone it I'm not sure I could see him again.

We finally got moving early that morning around 6:30. I'd mentioned to him the previous night that I wanted to go to my church for the 8 am service and said that as long as he got me home in time I could stay the night. Now I get up and change back into my clothes (he'd given me a t-shirt and sweats to sleep in). I don't do any real washing up, but I did brush my teeth - I always keep my travel toothbrush in my cosmetics bag and he proceeds to take his sweet, sweet time showering and getting dressed for his own church service. I didn't get home until almost 8 and at that point I was annoyed that he was so damn inconsiderate. He had the nerve to say to me "Want to go with me to church." My tart response was "Maybe next time when I am prepared for it."

So I was able to keep it in my pants. Was I at fault for some of the stuff that went down - yes, I probably should have spoken up, but I do think that God took care of his judgement by making sure I got no sleep (and not for a good reason like making sweet, sweet love) because of MV's snoring. I believe that a person tells you who they are when you first meet them and it's up to you to decide whether or not you can deal with who they are at that point. No one ever changes because you want them to, they change because they want to make that change. I decided after our 2nd date MV and I seem to be less compatible than I initially thought we were. I just don't think he's that into me and I'm thankful for meeting him because he helped to define what I want out of my mate even more. My mate needs to be interested in me, considerate, not a liar and some clearly defined goals for themselves.


Georgia Peach


Georgia Peach said...

PS- I haven't heard from him since early Sunday morning, so he may not be that into me either. I did make it to church for the 11 AM service.

Mellanie said...

Thats the beauty of dating, you really learn so much about yourself and what you want, as well as what you won't settle for no matter what. It's amazing!

Love the stain part, too funny!
Good you decided this one was not good enough for you, WHO DOESN'T GO TO THIER NIECE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY! My jeopardy x/buzzer was going off :-)

Georgia Peach said...

You know what his excuse was for that Mell - he said that his family never gets there on time. So when his sis called back later and said they changed locations he felt justified in not going. You have no idea how many times I told him I thought he should go - especially if he's close to his family.

Brooke said...

Not going to his niece's party was wack...I didn't know that part from the version you told me on Sunday. As close as I am to my nephews, that's blasphemy to me. I wouldn't even plan a date on one of their birthdays! If he says he's close to his family, that act alone didn't show it. Not feelin that.

You already heard my comment on this so I won't belabor it, but it's good that you get out there and are an active participant in your own life and go for what you want and take chances. Like Mell said, we learn from these experiences what we will and will not tolerate and what we do and do NOT want. Just have fun in the process!

Georgia Peach said...

Interestingly enough some of my friends who are married/in serious relationships have told me I was being a little too nitpicky. One friend told me that I should make the first move and get back in touch with MV. I'm still undecided about this... but I guess I should at least give him a chance to address some of my concerns about him.

Thanks for all the feedback.

HipHopGuy said...

If a brother says lets go back to my house then your CPS (C__ Protection System) should go off automatically, unless you want to go back to his house, but otherwise your alarm should go off.

Have a back up rebuttal, "Kiasha is locked out of her house, I'm the only one with a spare key." "Lisa sprained her ankle at the shoe store, she needs my help"

But should you choose to go to the house he really doesn't want to know about what motivated you to get your masters degree in 12th grade.

As expected this brother was relying on the crib to remove all judgment from your mind. "Oh damn this place is nice, mmmm I can put my couch and new curtains right over there."

Next time don't go to Jersey. If he didn't feel the need to look nice for you then he is wack anyway.