Thursday, May 7, 2009

The opposite of love

Hello my faithful readers:

I can't believe how quickly this year is flying by - it's already May! What a difference a few months makes; I'm still pinching myself because in a few months I'll be a full time student for the first time in almost 9 years. Yesterday I made a big commitment (scary for me) by putting my 25% non-refundable deposit down for my MBA program in the fall. I'm very thankful that I had the resources to make the payment with out too much strain (although I was really hoping for more favorable exchange rates). Work is busy again and although I'm glad to have a real, tangible project to focus on (after so many months of downtime), I wish I could just focus on getting my personal to-do list done. Does that make me selfish?

Yesterday I was listening to The Steve Harvey Morning show and he had Delilah (one of the most successful syndicated radio hosts in the US apparently) who had written a book about love. Delilah said something that rocked me to my core. The opposite of love is NOT hate. What????!?
This made me turn my radio up a little louder to hear the rest of what she had to say. Delilah says that to hate someone you have to like them at least a little bit, otherwise you really don't muster up enough energy to "hate" them. In other words if you didn't have some sort of "like/passion" for them then you would not expend the energy to "hate" them.

What Delilah said next surprised me. She said that the opposite of love is SELFISHNESS. Again I was rocked to my very core, because I have been accused of being SELFISH (by my Mom) before. Delilah says that sometimes in love you have to make sacrifices and change your plans to meet the needs of your mate. I'll admit that this is one of my biggest problems (fears) with getting into a committed relationship. I see the sacrifices that my mom, friends and others make for love. Some of them I agree with, but some leave me scratching my head thinking I don't think I could have done that. Like a (spoiled) only child sometimes I happen to think the world revolves around me. Delusional much?

This got me thinking about my decision to move to Belgium for grad school. I know that my family would rather I not move so far away to do it, but I believe it's something I believe I HAVE to do. Does this make me selfish? I've made lots of big decisions in life with only one person in mind before - ME! But now I am wondering if the big problem in my dating life is actually me. Am I (cock) blocking myself from finding the love that (I say) I want?

Here's what my (delusional) self thinks about my current situation. I understand what a real, loving relationship should be and I refuse to settle for less. When the right person comes along who deserves my focus, dedication and sacrifice I will adjust my behavior accordingly. Until then I reserve the right to be (a little) selfish. At this point in my life, I believe I haven't met THE ONE who deserves my focus, dedication and sacrifice. But I'll hold out hope that we'll find each other soon (because beneath my tough exterior) I am a big, romantic at heart. Ok, ok, ok... maybe that's really deep down inside, but really I do believe that there is love out there for us all. I just have to remember what the real opposite of love is so that I don't do it when love finally comes my way.

I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this subject. Do you agree that the opposite of love is selfishness? I think I will check out Delilah's book because I'd love to hear more about her thoughts on the subject of LOVE. I am inspired to get back into the groove again (I had started feeling sorry for myself), but until then I think I'll go check out a few new handbags at my friend Mrs. Handbags special shopping event today from 6-8 pm. Retail therapy always improves my mood. Let me know if you'd like to join me if you're here in NYC.


Georgia Peach

Monday, May 4, 2009

Cutting off your friends...

Hello my faithful readers:

I had hoped to write something in the blog before today, but things are busier now for me at work so you'll probably see me a little less frequently because once work gets busy, my social and dating life tend to suffer. That means there is MUCH less for me to write about here in my dating blog. Plus my mind is focused on making my move to Belgium and I feel too guilty to waste another person's time when I know I'll be moving away in the next three months.

In my blog last week I mentioned that Mr. Ex and I decided that it was best that we remain friends instead of trying to continue to date each other. I was ok with this decision and even felt relieved by it all, but was quite surprised to get a phone call from him on Thursday evening that puzzled me. First of all he seemed to think that I'd agreed to have sex with him (or do the "nice thing" as he referred to it on the call) after I returned from my trip to Georgia with my family. I found this whole thing humorous and told him I was sorry that he'd misinterpreted something I'd said, because this was definitely NOT the truth. Remember my little 90 day rule? Well if I were still counting we'd still be on just day 41 right now.

Mr. Ex wanted to get into what made things go off track during our last date, but kept saying "No I'll ask you about it when you get back from Georgia." That whole tactic frustrated me and I told him he could ask me what he wanted to ask while he had me on the phone. I told him that I was disappointed by his lack of decision making skills on the date and gave him a few of the examples I blogged about the other day. He said "well I'm not really that way all the time, I just use that as a way of getting to know a person." I told him that although that might be his tactic I've never seen him make a decision in all of our dates (4 to be exact) and it wasn't fair to me because I didn't get the chance to see him make a decision. I really think his excuse is BS, personally because I think the whole "Whatever you like method of decision making" is LAZY. After that he had to get off the phone. He said he'd try to call me back, but I was non-committal because I told him I needed to get to bed early and still had some packing to do for my trip early the next morning. Before we ended the call he kept saying that he felt things were fine with us and that we would get back to normal (HA). I'll admit this was the part that creeped me out the most because I felt like he hadn't listened to a thing I'd just said.

Mr. Ex called me back a couple of times that night. He left a couple of messages for me (STALKER), then that Friday night he called and left a message for me saying that he saw a few phone numbers pop up with my area code that he thought might have been me. Needless to say it wasn't me and I really don't think I need to have another conversation with him anymore. I know that many of you are thinking that I'm a GIANT A$$HOLE, but I think it's best that I don't lead him on anymore. I feel like his perception of what was going on was completely different from mine. I was trying to remain nice throughout this all, but sometimes nice isn't what the situation needs and it's best not to maintain contact. Sometimes it just isn't in the cards to remain friends - especially when you can't agree on the boundaries of your friendship.

I strongly suspect that the only reason Mr. Ex had his change of heart is because he felt he invested too much time/money into our situation to not get the payoff (sex with me). There might be other reasons, but I truly believe that's the main reason for his change of heart. Thanks for reading and I hope that I'll have some new stories for you soon.


Georgia Peach