Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Anti-Seducer

Hello my faithful readers:

Today is Tuesday and I am in a fantastic mood. This week I'm focused on getting some things crossed of my personal to-do list, so I'm not going out nearly as much as I have been in the past couple of weeks. This is a good thing and I hope that as a result I'll be announcing some good news in the next couple of months. Now if only the weather would cooperate and WARM UP!
In yesterday's blog I gave you a recap of my date with Mr. Ex and today I want to provide you with a recap of my date on Saturday night with The E-card Stalker.

Now I'd initially set up my Saturday night date with The E-card Stalker on Monday last week. Prior to that we had talked on the phone maybe a couple of times since our first coffee date (almost a month and a half ago now). I didn't hear from him again until the Friday night before we were supposed to go out. As I was out on my date with Mr. Ex, I didn't get to speak with him on Friday. (FYI- The E-Card Stalker knew that I had plans for Friday night, because when we were setting the date up I told him I couldn't do Friday because I had other plans). I called him back on Saturday morning around 10:30 and he called me back around 1 pm. We decided to meet up at 7:3o that night.

I'd asked The E-card Stalker to plan this date because I was curious to see what he'd come up with and he wanted to meet up at BB King's in Times Square. Now personally I HATE the Times Square area and generally avoid it like the plague whenever I can; I assumed he was taking me to see a show at BB Kings so I was open to the idea of it until I arrived to have him say "They have a show downstairs, we have to go somewhere else." I should take a moment to describe what The E-card Stalker was wearing; he was dressed in exactly the same clothing from our first coffee date - black and white Nike baseball hat, black leather coat, black and white camouflage long sleeve thermal shirt, jeans and Nike running shoes.

I was nice about the change in plans and when we walked out and he guided me to the movie theater next door (same theater I'd been in the night before with Mr. Ex) I promptly made the suggestion to see "I Love You Man." I thought that the 8 o'clock show was sold out, but when we got in the cashier said that there were still seats in that show. Hallelujah! Finally I was going to see the movie I really wanted to see. Now as we were heading up all of the escalators he starts in again on how hard to reach I am and how the other men must be keeping me busy. I was personally annoyed because for someone who makes the absolute minimal effort to get in touch with me I thought he had a LOT OF NERVE trying to call me out on it. I just smiled nicely and said "I'm not all that hard to reach, our schedules just seem to be at odds." Guess he didn't believe my answer because then he kept going on about my other guys so I told him "Yes, I'm seeing other people."

We headed into the theater and grabbed our seats. Once the movie started up he tried to make a couple of lame jokes one of which was "Will I get a kiss tonight?" I tried not to roll my eyes and just shook my head NO. Early on in the movie he tried to grab my hand and I just pulled my hand away. Something about him and his lame jokes and trying to grab on me 10 minutes in didn't sit right with me. He assumed that he could go there with me and assumed we have more of a relationship than we have, when I kept telling him we need to get to know each other. You barely know me. Quite simply my advice to any man with game "EASE INTO IT PLAYER!"

After the movie (which we both LOVED - it's hysterical), we ended up going to Chevy's right next to the movie theater. The one thing that was GLARING to me, that I didn't bother to call him on is the fact that he didn't remove his baseball hat when we sat down at dinner. This man is 40+ years old and he didn't have the good sense to remove his baseball hat? I think from that moment on I was done with our date.

It's here where we had a little more in depth conversation. Here is where I mentioned again that I felt like he didn't know me well enough to keep saying that he was fond of me and wanted a relationship with me. He brought up my busy schedule again and this is where I told him that my number one priority right now is studying and getting into grad school so although I might be going out socially, I also spend a good deal of my time in classes and studying. When I mentioned my future plans to go to grad school (in Europe) he seemed surprised (although I know I had mentioned to all of my dates that I'm taking a french class and that I'm studying for the GMAT) his response was "I thought the french class was just for fun. I didn't think you would be into moving over there. Guess you'll have to just hop on a plane every month for a visit." WTF?

Personally I felt that The E-card Stalker and I had a lot more chemistry on our first coffee date. I told him straight up and also mentioned how important chemistry was for me in a relationship. I believe you either have chemistry or you don't and he felt you can grow into chemistry with a person. I believe pursuing any sort of relationship without chemistry is a waste of time (and I definitely don't believe you should wait around for it to grow). Some of you may disagree with me here, but that's what I believe. For me chemistry is a connection on any of these three areas: physical, mental and spiritual. If you're connected on all 3 levels I think your relationship has a fair shot at succeeding.

By the end of the night it was clear for me that I had no interest in seeing The E-card Stalker again. When he dropped me off at the entrance to my train he made a last ditch effort to say he wanted to see me again. Have I heard from him since our date? That would be a BIG FAT NO! Maybe he took his cues from me and felt that I just wasn't that in to him so it wasn't worth the effort. The fact that he never made the effort from the beginning up until our 2nd date to truly get to know me in any way and I feel that all of the following are just signs of that.
  • He never really called me, nor ever tried to switch up the times he called to try to reach me
  • His plans for the date were half-assed
  • He didn't make the effort in the way he dressed (nor did he have the good sense to take his baseball hat off at dinner)
  • He had no interest in getting to know me or my plans
Having the dates with Mr. Ex and The E-card Stalker back to back was an interesting experience for me. It gave me the opportunity to compare both experiences and think about how I like to be treated in a relationship and in the end I really want someone that is trying just a little bit harder. The E-card Stalker exhibited some typical Anti-Seducer behavior (from what I've read in "The Art of Seduction") and it was a big turn-off to me especially in comparison to my date the night before. I watched Steve Harvey on "Oprah" yesterday with his audience of women and he said something along the lines of "Chivalry isn't dead, women have just stopped requiring it in their relationships." Well now that I've had a recent taste of what chivalry is like, I will require it in all my relationships from now on. Anything else is just a waste of my time and you know what, I'm ok with waiting for the right thing for me.

Hope that you enjoyed reading the blog today. If you like what you're reading here - feel free to become a follower or comment (on the blog) you can even do it anonymously. I promise I won't bite you! Have a great day today.


Georgia Peach


roodster said...

Where do I start....
1st I agree with you about chemistry. You have to have it point blank. If you do not, don't force just keep it moving.

2nd I agree with Steve Harvey Chivalry is not dead,It something that has fallen bye the waist side for some men, and Women have allowed this to happen bye not calling them on it (for God knows what reason).....

3rd In regards to the E-Card Stalker he is annoying me and I didn't even have to go out with him.
Cut your loses and keep it moving

Georgia Peach said...

Thanks Roodster. I appreciate it and I definitely am ready to keep it moving. I'm thankful I didn't waste more time with him, but I did try to give him a fair shot.

Glad to hear someone agrees with me on the chemistry part. :o) That's just how I feel about it - it's there or it isn't.

Anonymous said...

i'm mad that he had the SAME OUTFIT ON!!!!

Georgia Peach said...

Exact same - same hat too! I remember it because I thought the it was him trying to cover up his age the first time (remember he looks OLDER than what his profile said). I'm thinking now he really only owns one set of clothes.

Brooke said...

Well, you already know what I'm gonna say...BLACK HISTORY!

I wasn't too crazy about him the first time around, so this didn't really surprise me...(other than him wearing the same outfit two dates in a row...I mean, who DOES that?) I have my favorite date outfits too, but come on! I don't wear them with the same dude two times in a row! Maybe it was so long since your last date he forgot what he had on the first time. My sister would say he was wearing his "Tuesday outfit." I'll explain another day :)

Anyway, Steve Harvey is right. Chivalry is not dead, and the true gentleman knows this. Other men just pull it out when it's necessary...which is wack. Find a man who knows how to treat ALL women - the one who acts right, even when no one is looking. You'll find him.

Latinegro said...

Sometimes I just cannot believe how wack some guys are. I try not to wear the same outfit in a 3 weeks span...that is just so annoying. 40 wearing a hat? You can only do that if you are Russel Simmons...

Georgia Peach said...

Thanks Brooke and LN- I really think it might be old age that had him wearing the same clothes. I never got to grill him on his real age, but I have a HARD TIME believing he was really 40. His face looked a LOT older than my dad's who has a baby face I'll admit (but he's 57).

I also think the hat was about making him look younger too. I really thought I was being petty about the clothes so glad to hear LN that it does indicate you are a lil wack if you're not making ANY effort.

Brooke- I'm def holding out for someone that knows how to treat ALL women. That's more than important than ever for me right now.