Tuesday, March 31, 2009

After the talk...

Hello my faithful readers:

It's Tuesday and I can't wait for this weekend to come! I am busy studying for the GMAT and finishing up my final b-school application. Meanwhile my body is telling me I need to chill out. I woke up this morning with a burning stomach and a headache leftover from last night. The source of my headache is work related and I'll get a break from it starting tomorrow until the end of this week. So... today's blog might be more scattered than usual, because my brain is processing information at much slower rates today. :o)

Yesterday I promised to give a recap of my date with Mr. Ex last Friday. I know that many of you are wondering why I went out with him again, after our conversation on Thursday (the night prior to our Friday date). I have thought about it quite a bit and all I can say is that his treatment of me up until that phone conversation has been pretty respectable. He was attentive and most of all he's an intelligent man (I always feel like I learn something after our conversations). When we were setting up our date on Thursday night he said he just wanted to keep it open and not worry about planning what we going to do.

Friday comes and I didn't hear from Mr. Ex until almost 6 PM; in my head I'm thinking this date isn't going to happen. Mentally I'd already started planning my alternative night of catching up on my Netflix movies in my PJ's (and perhaps buying some Nilla Cakesters on the way home). The first thing he says on the phone is "I thought you didn't want to go out with me because I didn't hear from you." I was expecting him to make the call since he has been the initiator of all of our dates.

We finally met up at Port Authority (Mr. Ex takes a bus in from NJ) a little after 8:30 PM. He had stopped and bought me donuts from Dunkin because he remembered that I like sweets; a nice gesture thought I didn't end up eating any of them. I suggested we walk up to Hell's Kitchen (hood in NYC for all you non-New Yawkers) and maybe find a place to sit down and talk. Our walk uptown was a little awkward because he was pretty quiet. I think he was probably thinking about the stupid ish he said the night before. I was my usual bubbly self (I hate conflict) and usually if I don't want to deal with you I simply (passive aggressively) ignore your phone calls until you (give up and) stop calling.

We ended up stopping to have dinner at a restaurant I occasionally frequented when I worked in the 'hood. Rice n Beans is a Brazilian restaurant and Mr. Ex loved it there because the flavors were similar to the Portuguese food he grew up on in Angola. He shared a little bit of his knowledge about the food and gave me a little history of how Brazilians took some of the Angolan culture and claimed it as theirs. Did you know capoeira originated in Angola? I sure didn't, but now I do because of my time with Mr. Ex. He also spoke to our waiters in Portuguese and I think speaking in his native tongue made him more comfortable. Finally we started talking and he eventually said that he was "ok with waiting the 90 days for me, because he would like a relationship with me." He says he is serious about me, although he would 'do what he had to do in the meantime.'

Now this whole 'do what you gotta do' doesn't bother me while I'm not in a relationship with you; quite simply at this stage if I'm just dating you, then I have no claims on you. If we decide that we're together (doesn't mean married), then 'do what you gotta do' doesn't fly with me.

Cut to the next day...

On the Saturday after our date Mr. Ex mentioned that he wanted to take his profile down from pof.com where we met. Then he asked if I was planning to take my profile down. My non-commital response was I would take my profile down once I'm in a (committed) relationship. He didn't really have any response to that, nor did he offer to get into a relationship and I guess this means he still has to handle some business. He also asked me if I was able to have kids in this conversation. Baby on the brain much? I told him in no uncertain terms I have no interest in getting pregnant at this time (if ever).

Back to our date on Friday night...

The rest of our date was relatively uneventful, (besides him kissing me once) we walked around after dinner because of the warmer weather, then I dropped him off back at the Port Authority. We did have an awkward moment where he tried to give me a goodbye kiss and wanted me to wait until he did it. I ended up blowing him a kiss and hopping into the cab home instead of standing there for the passionate embrace he wanted. He did call me later on that night to make sure I made it home safely.

Here you have it, the date after 'The Talk' was fine. I had a nice time and Mr. Ex traeted me with respect. My biggest issue with him is the fact that he seems to be something that he referred to me as "an enigma." He's a grown man, who seems ready to settle down although his life seems to be in transition. Mr. Ex is an enigma to me (something he told me he thought I was on our date). On one hand: he doesn't have a career to speak of (he currently works a couple of part-time jobs), lives with two roommates (he's 36 years old), tells bad jokes and says he can't wait 90 days without 'doing what he has to do.' On the other hand: he treats me well, is attentive, intelligent, seems geniune and told me he wants a long term relationship with me. There is something else going on here, but I'm not sure what. Why is he so concerned about my fertility? I have a lot to consider, but you'll hear more about this once I decide whether to NEXT him.

Thanks again for reading today. Hope that the rest of your week is fantastic; I'm planning to hunker down for the rest of this week (after tonight) and study. Remember I love to hear from you so don't hesitate to comment or become a follower.


Georgia Peach


HipHopGuy said...

Cool stuff G Money keep being open minded. Me and E boogie are supporting your efforts. I don't like the transition thing. You need gainfully employed and upwardly mobile right now. :)

Brooke said...

He seems strange to me...and all this baby talk is creeping me out. That was such an odd question to ask someone you just started dating - "are you able to have kids?"

But hey, feel him out if you feel you need to. Is the transition thing because of the economy? There may be more to that, but your gut instinct will let you know whether or not he should become Black History.

Latinegro said...

I don't know what to say. I think it all depends on how you feel. The lack fo career concerns me...

Georgia Peach said...

The lack of career is my biggest concern. In fairness to him he has worked factory/labor type jobs in MI and plans to go back to school in 1 year to get his degree. But that's just not where I am in life right now... I plan to go back to school too, but it's not for an undergrad degree it's for a graduate degree... I have already have my career.

I am trying to remain open minded, but these are all things I consider. I think I knew the answer from the beginning, but I'm just working through the pros and cons now.

Annamaria said...

The fact that he wants to be in a relationship with you eventually & has the future in mind is great BUT the fact that he isn't exactly in a position right now to get on that bandwagon scares me. Meaning....don't ask me about my fertility if you ain't got no job and you need to have 3 roommates cause whether I am fertile or not it ain't happening! LOL