Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Making the first move

Hello my faithful readers:

I can't believe Wednesday is already here! This week seems to be moving a lot more quickly than last week did. Lately I've gone out a lot more and although my outings aren't always dates, I see them all as opportunities to meet someone new. On Monday night, I saw a show @ Carnegie Hall --"Ask Your Mama" based on a poem by Langston Hughes. I had an amazing time that night with my girls EBrown, The Roodster and EJ (Ms. Jackson if you're nasty)! Jessye Norman's voice is AMAZING and the whole night gave me chills (the good kind of course). Last night I went out to have dinner with one of my good friends, The Mama, who recently moved back to NYC from the ATL.

I spend a lot of time talking about relationships with my friends, most especially those of you whom I know personally. One of the topics that comes up frequently relates specifically to me and my non-date nights out. The Roodster and I have discussed this topic at length - Are women who approach the man first desperate sluts? She related the following story to me this past weekend. On the night that we were out after the 1st Saturday party at the Brooklyn Museum she made the off hand comment to one of her friends (who was male) "Oh my girls here are on a mission tonight, they want to meet some men." His response was something along the lines of "Oh your girls sound desperate!" She then proceeded to give him a piece of her mind about the subject saying that it sounded like a DOUBLE STANDARD to her, because if a man said the same thing about going out to meet women, no one would ever refer to him as desperate, he'd be a player or even THE MAN.

I'm wondering if this is what really men are thinking when I approach them when I'm out? Whenever I go out, I want to meet new people and given the right environment I have no problems approaching someone that interests me in some way. I'll admit like most people the first thing you notice about a person of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your thing) is their physical appearance. For me once a person opens their mouth that's the true test for keeping me there (and interested). But, I'm wondering now if I approach them do they automatically think that I am approaching them for just a little "Wham, Bam, Thank you ma'm action?"

I don't think that's EVER the way that I position myself when I'm out and about. In fact I work very hard NOT to be that girl. Is it some sort of threat to their manhood for the woman to make the first approach? Perhaps in the next few months I should fall back a little and let the men do a little more of the chasing. For me going out and making the first move is more about getting to know a new person that I happen to find interesting, not about making him my MAN.

What do you think? I find it interesting that in this day and age, there are still some men who think women who make the first move are desperate. It's also pretty funny because in the end I consider myself old-fashioned and would love it if they were to step up and make the first move, but that never seems to happen with me. Some people told me they feel I'm intimidating (maybe it's the height) or that they think I look mean (so not true). In the end I think it's a balancing act, but I'm curious to hear about your experiences.

Thanks again for the support and comments. And if you need something else to read, check out my friend Brooke's blog Her blog today about "Flirting" inspired my topic today. Take the time to enjoy the rest of your week.


Georgia Peach


Annamaria said...

I don't think that woman making the first move are desperate at all. You see what you want & you went after it. No harm in that. If it was a job no one would think twice. You would just be ambitious. Also like you say if you were a man this wouldn't be a question in your head. My thing is you can't please everyone soo just please yourself!!!!

Brooke said...

Thanks for the shout out Glee! I tried to comment on Wednesday, but it wouldn't let me post, so I was going to come back to it. I was reminded when I commented on today's blog (Friday) that I had to go back...and this time it seems to be working!

Anywho...there is nothing wrong with making the first move, especially if you sense the man would be receptive to it, but may just be shy. I think most REAL men would find it sexy as hell, and it would tell them that you were confident - not desperate.

The trick is not to come on TOO strong. That is where the desperation comes in. It's about reading a person's vibe. Simply approaching a man isn't desperate - it's about if you COME OFF that way in your approach. I've seen women buy men drinks (sexy as hell) and then the man takes over from there. But I've also seen women try to monopolize a man's time, act in a jealous manner, be OVERLY flirtatious, and just downright annoying in their approach - which is where the look of desperation comes in.

You're right - it IS a balancing act. You have to hav the right balance of flirtatiousness and cool, forthrightness (is that a word?) and femininity. It takes practice...and CONFIDENCE. And you definitely have that! So work it girl!

Georgia Peach said...

Thanks ladies - I definitely didn't think I was coming off as desperate, but I am curious about what some of the men think. Crickets from them huh?