He wasn't man enough for me

Hello my faithful readers:

After such a BEAUTIFUL weekend, I'm savoring the great weather we're having here in NYC this week. Work is still a little nutty because I'm only in the office a couple of times this week. Tomorrow I head to Manchester, TN to do a site check; on Friday I'll be heading home to Georgia to hang with the family and watch my baby sister graduate from Pharmacy School (finally we have a Doctor in the family)! :o)

Here's a quick update on the date on Saturday with Mr. Ex - we finally mutually agreed (OK I made it VERY CLEAR) that we probably are better off remaining friends. I'm glad that we spent the day together because we've only hung out in 2-3 hour increments, before our marathon date on Saturday. Spending the day with a person really makes a difference and I am quite happy that we did it. It was a good test and I realize now that there were a few (BIG) things about him that I tended to ignore before because I only saw the behavior occasionally within our 2-3 hour dates.

We met up at Central Park and I have to say that it was a great day to be in the park (the weather was gorgeous) and I don't think I've ever seen so many people there before. We started to walk a little deeper into the park and a dog barks at him as we walk by. I have NEVER seen a man jump out of his skin as much as he did. From that moment on I was watching a little more closely because I thought he's scared of a dog? While we were walking through the park, I took the opportunity to ask a few more questions about him and I finally asked what his mysterious 2nd part-time job was and he grudgingly admitted that he's a barista (for Starbucks). He says he is planning to quit this job soon, but if he needs to make his bills who am I to judge? I recognize that times are hard for lots of people right now.

After spending several hours in the park and talking we headed down to Soho for some pizza at Lombardi's. This is where I realized that the coy behavior he'd exhibited before (calling me the boss and saying that whatever I wanted was what he wanted) drove me absolutely nutty. Here's a little sample of our dialogue at dinner:

Me: Do you like pizza?

Him: I like whatever you like

Me: What kind of pizza do you like?

Him: I like whatever you like, you're the boss!

Me: Do you drink soft drinks? If so what kind because I was thinking we could order a pitcher together?

Him: I drink them sometimes, I'll drink whatever you want to order.

After dealing with this type of exchange all day (even putting together what we were going to do for the day went that way), I just couldn't take it anymore. I ordered the meal when he was in the bathroom and decided I'd just grin and bear it for the rest of the date. I asked him some questions one of which was why he thought I should get into a relationship with him. Although his answer was not bad "Because I'll never disappoint you," his demeanor during this talk bothered me a lot. It's something I'd noticed before, but ignored. He covered his mouth with both his hands when he talked to me about anything serious and averted his eyes to some point behind me (and off to the side). Both of these body language tells REALLY bother me because when I speak to a person I like to make direct eye contact and covering your mouth indicates that you're not being totally honest.

After a yummy pepperoni pizza, I suggested we walk around a little bit more. We walked down towards Canal Street and then back up to the village. I was a little quiet throughout the day, but I would point out interesting landmarks for him and whenever I had a question I'd ask. As we were walking back up to the West Village he mentioned for the umpteenth time that if I was tired we could head in (I told him a few times earlier that day I'd let him know when I was ready to head in). At that point I said "OK" and headed for the train station.

It was at the train where he asked for a kiss instead of just giving one. For me it wasn't really that he asked, but it was more of how he asked that rubbed me the wrong way. I think by this point if he'd just leaned in and given me a kiss I would have appreciated it more than him trying to negotiate a kiss out of me on the subway platform. I guess in the end it was really just a matter of timing. So he's following me as I'm headed down the stairs to the F train and we had a really awkward kiss on the stairwell. He made the comment that "someone" needs kissing lessons. My retort was "Yep, someone definitely needs lessons after that one."

I got home and later he called and left me a voicemail message saying he would leave me alone, but wanted to ask me some questions before he did. Then about 10-15 minutes later he called me and told me he'd lost his car keys somewhere. I helped him to call the restaurant with no luck and I think he ended up taking another bus back to his apartment. He found the keys the next day, but thankfully I never had to answer his questions.

All in the date wasn't bad, but I realized that I can't date someone that bothers me this much if we hang out for more than a couple of hours. I know this probably sounds arrogant, but he truly wasn't a good match for me because he just isn't at my level. I've mentioned it here before, but it was made clear by our date on Saturday. I have a strong personality and I need someone who has an equally strong personality that's a compliment to my own (strong personality). I can't date someone who continues to "Yes" me to death or can't even look me in the eye when we're having serious conversation. And let's be real here -- I'm a tall girl with sturdy bone structure. If I feel like I'm the protector in the relationship then the dude isn't man enough for me (I honestly think that's why I love really tall men).

I'm out of the office on Wednesday and Friday, but I'll try to write a little something for Thursday. Have a great week otherwise.

Mwuah,

Georgia Peach

The Anti-Seducer

Hello my faithful readers:

Today is Tuesday and I am in a fantastic mood. This week I'm focused on getting some things crossed of my personal to-do list, so I'm not going out nearly as much as I have been in the past couple of weeks. This is a good thing and I hope that as a result I'll be announcing some good news in the next couple of months. Now if only the weather would cooperate and WARM UP!
In yesterday's blog I gave you a recap of my date with Mr. Ex and today I want to provide you with a recap of my date on Saturday night with The E-card Stalker.

Now I'd initially set up my Saturday night date with The E-card Stalker on Monday last week. Prior to that we had talked on the phone maybe a couple of times since our first coffee date (almost a month and a half ago now). I didn't hear from him again until the Friday night before we were supposed to go out. As I was out on my date with Mr. Ex, I didn't get to speak with him on Friday. (FYI- The E-Card Stalker knew that I had plans for Friday night, because when we were setting the date up I told him I couldn't do Friday because I had other plans). I called him back on Saturday morning around 10:30 and he called me back around 1 pm. We decided to meet up at 7:3o that night.

I'd asked The E-card Stalker to plan this date because I was curious to see what he'd come up with and he wanted to meet up at BB King's in Times Square. Now personally I HATE the Times Square area and generally avoid it like the plague whenever I can; I assumed he was taking me to see a show at BB Kings so I was open to the idea of it until I arrived to have him say "They have a show downstairs, we have to go somewhere else." I should take a moment to describe what The E-card Stalker was wearing; he was dressed in exactly the same clothing from our first coffee date - black and white Nike baseball hat, black leather coat, black and white camouflage long sleeve thermal shirt, jeans and Nike running shoes.

I was nice about the change in plans and when we walked out and he guided me to the movie theater next door (same theater I'd been in the night before with Mr. Ex) I promptly made the suggestion to see "I Love You Man." I thought that the 8 o'clock show was sold out, but when we got in the cashier said that there were still seats in that show. Hallelujah! Finally I was going to see the movie I really wanted to see. Now as we were heading up all of the escalators he starts in again on how hard to reach I am and how the other men must be keeping me busy. I was personally annoyed because for someone who makes the absolute minimal effort to get in touch with me I thought he had a LOT OF NERVE trying to call me out on it. I just smiled nicely and said "I'm not all that hard to reach, our schedules just seem to be at odds." Guess he didn't believe my answer because then he kept going on about my other guys so I told him "Yes, I'm seeing other people."

We headed into the theater and grabbed our seats. Once the movie started up he tried to make a couple of lame jokes one of which was "Will I get a kiss tonight?" I tried not to roll my eyes and just shook my head NO. Early on in the movie he tried to grab my hand and I just pulled my hand away. Something about him and his lame jokes and trying to grab on me 10 minutes in didn't sit right with me. He assumed that he could go there with me and assumed we have more of a relationship than we have, when I kept telling him we need to get to know each other. You barely know me. Quite simply my advice to any man with game "EASE INTO IT PLAYER!"

After the movie (which we both LOVED - it's hysterical), we ended up going to Chevy's right next to the movie theater. The one thing that was GLARING to me, that I didn't bother to call him on is the fact that he didn't remove his baseball hat when we sat down at dinner. This man is 40+ years old and he didn't have the good sense to remove his baseball hat? I think from that moment on I was done with our date.

It's here where we had a little more in depth conversation. Here is where I mentioned again that I felt like he didn't know me well enough to keep saying that he was fond of me and wanted a relationship with me. He brought up my busy schedule again and this is where I told him that my number one priority right now is studying and getting into grad school so although I might be going out socially, I also spend a good deal of my time in classes and studying. When I mentioned my future plans to go to grad school (in Europe) he seemed surprised (although I know I had mentioned to all of my dates that I'm taking a french class and that I'm studying for the GMAT) his response was "I thought the french class was just for fun. I didn't think you would be into moving over there. Guess you'll have to just hop on a plane every month for a visit." WTF?

Personally I felt that The E-card Stalker and I had a lot more chemistry on our first coffee date. I told him straight up and also mentioned how important chemistry was for me in a relationship. I believe you either have chemistry or you don't and he felt you can grow into chemistry with a person. I believe pursuing any sort of relationship without chemistry is a waste of time (and I definitely don't believe you should wait around for it to grow). Some of you may disagree with me here, but that's what I believe. For me chemistry is a connection on any of these three areas: physical, mental and spiritual. If you're connected on all 3 levels I think your relationship has a fair shot at succeeding.

By the end of the night it was clear for me that I had no interest in seeing The E-card Stalker again. When he dropped me off at the entrance to my train he made a last ditch effort to say he wanted to see me again. Have I heard from him since our date? That would be a BIG FAT NO! Maybe he took his cues from me and felt that I just wasn't that in to him so it wasn't worth the effort. The fact that he never made the effort from the beginning up until our 2nd date to truly get to know me in any way and I feel that all of the following are just signs of that.

• He never really called me, nor ever tried to switch up the times he called to try to reach me
• His plans for the date were half-assed
• He didn't make the effort in the way he dressed (nor did he have the good sense to take his baseball hat off at dinner)
• He had no interest in getting to know me or my plans

Having the dates with Mr. Ex and The E-card Stalker back to back was an interesting experience for me. It gave me the opportunity to compare both experiences and think about how I like to be treated in a relationship and in the end I really want someone that is trying just a little bit harder. The E-card Stalker exhibited some typical Anti-Seducer behavior (from what I've read in "The Art of Seduction") and it was a big turn-off to me especially in comparison to my date the night before. I watched Steve Harvey on "Oprah" yesterday with his audience of women and he said something along the lines of "Chivalry isn't dead, women have just stopped requiring it in their relationships." Well now that I've had a recent taste of what chivalry is like, I will require it in all my relationships from now on. Anything else is just a waste of my time and you know what, I'm ok with waiting for the right thing for me.

Hope that you enjoyed reading the blog today. If you like what you're reading here - feel free to become a follower or comment (on the blog) you can even do it anonymously. I promise I won't bite you! Have a great day today.

Mwuah,

Georgia Peach