I hope that you're having a wonderful day - I certainly am. This morning I was running late and caught a cab to the express train stop and the cab driver didn't have change so he gave me the ride for free. This was so nice and totally unexpected that I hope he receives his blessing to me back in spades. As I was ran from his cab and into the Nostrand Ave. A/C subway station I was able to hop on the train. Even more importantly I completed one of my grad school applications and I have one more to do. That's a big sense of accomplishment for me and now I have to buckle down to complete my last one.
Yesterday one of my friends, Little Miss, read my blog "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and pointed out something I had never considered. She mentioned that all of my descriptions within the blog were all physical descriptions - nothing about personality. I am carefully thinking about this now, because it's actually something that frustrates me when I am getting to know someone. The fact that they don't want to know about me, my interests or my personality frustrates me. On the other hand if you're getting to know a person in a short social situation (e.g. at a party or out at a bar) it's tough to get beyond merely superficial conversation along the lines of "what's your name, what do you do and are you single?"
Have I been objectifying men as merely physical objects all of this time? I would probably need at least a year of therapy to get to the root of any issues I have on this subject, but Little Miss gave me a homework assignment that I'll be working on over the next few weeks. We attract what we value even if it is disguised as something we do not value according to Little Miss. I happen to agree with this statement wholeheartedly. To help me understand some of my behavior and how I am viewing men she suggested I seriously consider doing the following:
1) Take an inventory of all my relationships (past and present) to determine what brought us together
2) Determine what attracted me to each relationship? Determine what need was met by the relationship?
3) Once involved determine why the relationship didn't work? What was it lacking?
I believe going through this process will help me to identify my issues (if any) so that I'm not constantly repeating the same mistakes (which are merely symptoms of the underlying problems). This will take some time if I do it the right way; at the other end I hope that I'll understand myself a lot better.
I encourage you all to do the same if you're find yourself repeating the same mistakes in your relationships. Thanks again for all the support and comments you give me. I learn something from each of you - even if it is a tough lesson. I appreciate all of the feedback you give me.