Thursday, January 15, 2009

What is it that I want in a man?

Hello all,

First off I hope all of you NYC folks are surviving this cold snap we're experiencing. I took a break yesterday from blogging to sift through all of the responses to my Craigslist ad and boy did I get a wide range of responses. A special thank you to my friends Sassy S, MBA Global J and MILF for helping me to choose some of the top contenders that I hope to eventually write about here. There is one in particular that is a top contender and I'm setting up plans with him in the next week. As for me I prefer meeting people when I'm out and about so tonight despite the snow and frigid weather I'm seriously considering going out tonight for casual drinks with a friend of mine and her co-workers.

Steve Harvey (on his radio show this morning) suggested coming up with a list of what you want in a mate and also coming up with a list of what you DON'T want in your significant other. He said that once you have these lists and your date/mate/whatever starts to hit a couple of the things on your DON'T list you should consider whether or not the things on your list are non-negotiable and whether or not you're willing to stand for more than just that couple of things on the DON'T list.

My friends have also asked me over the past few weeks what I want in a man. It's funny because over the years that wish list has changed and I realized that perhaps it isn't about what I want in a man, but maybe what I need in a man. WTF??!? Now this statement might be controversial to some of you out there - I can't believe I even typed it myself. I'm one of the biggest proponents of female independence and not NEEDING a man. In fact it is at the very root of why I've remained single for so long (something I'm sure I will get into at some point over the course of writing this blog), but I realized that perhaps there are some things I need in MY man.

Here's a list of 7 non-negotiable qualities that I've come to realize I need in my man:

1) My friend, first and foremost
2) Mentally stimulating to me
3) Compassionate
4) Someone who loves unconditionally
5) Sexually compatible with me
6) A compliment to me and my BIG personality
7) Integrity

I'll work on the DON'T list and share it with you tomorrow. That one is a doozy! So my dear readers I welcome your comments on this one.


Georgia Peach


Peggy said...

It is seriously cold outside, ridiculous really!

I'm truy excited for you, remember to have fun.

I say go out tonight...I am. I'm meeting one of my dearest sister/friends for dinner and drinks.

I listened to Steve Harvey this morning and his suggestion was so on point. One of my older brothers had given my girlfriend and I that advice years ago. He also told me even if I'm not 100% about all that I want that I should be sure about what I don't want. It made sense and helped A LOT

My perspective: Truth is no one really "needs" a man. But in wanting a man there are needs that I have, hope that makes sense...
Wanting a good man that fits certain qualities that are important to me is a need. I don't think my needs from a man make me any less independent.

HipHopGuy said...

MBA Global J says good luck homie. Be careful with the Craiglist boys. Craz E also supports you! :)

Live from the airport.

Brooke said...

I echo Peggy's sentiments. You didn't say you "needed" a man, you said "this is what I need MY man to be"...BIG difference.

We all have an ENORMOUS list of what we want in a mate, but we seldom take the time to contemplate what the real deal-breakers are. Sometimes that's because coming up with THAT list isn't always as easy as we think. Our "lists" change everyday, so the trick is to recognize that no one is perfect, just perfect for "us" in that we simply "fit."

I wrote out a "requirements" list once, and you wanna know what was glaring to me? Some of the requirements I had on my list were characteristics I didn't FULLY possess or embody myself - and that was eye opening. How could I demand all these things of someone when, had he created the SAME EXACT LIST of needs that I created for HIS potential mate, I might have gotten scratched off...dismissed.

So in the end, that list came to serve as a list of things that I must perfect in myself before I require them of someone else. I feel like once I BECOME my list, then the man that God created just for me will find me, and it'll be easy for me to spot him too...because we look exactly alike.

Georgia Peach said...

Peggy and Brooke I definitely agree with both of you. Brooke agreed when I came up with my list of NEEDS I realized that these are qualities that I believe I possess. I keep telling the peeps here that I'm the one that I want... It's true even if a little narcissistic.

MBA Global Jay... you're right about CL. I'm definitely laying off of that for now. It's all about going out now as Peggy suggests. Thanks for all the support ya'll.