Hello my faithful readers:
Today is warm at a balmy 60 degrees here in NYC, especially given that we had snow yesterday. I'm very excited because I have two more days here at work and then I'm on my way to Brussels this weekend! It's a big week for me because I have a full day of testing and an interview for one of the MBA programs that I'm interested in next Wednesday. This week has been busy for me and I've been a little scattered, but today is surprisingly quiet.
When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were about what I should write about today. After some thought, I decided that I should just write about my current state of mind. Quite simply it's SCATTERED. The scatter is currently interfering with my interest in dating. For me, being scattered is the biggest killer of my mojo. I tend to lose interest in making the effort when I get caught up in focusing on the (other) things in my life that are vying for my attention (work, family, health, education). Scatter is something that I knew was an issue for me before I even began writing this blog. I realize now that the scatter is creeping back in and rearing it's ugly head.
The best way to describe it is a feeling of what I imagine ADHD feels like. I especially notice it even more in my conversations with Mr. Ex in the past few weeks (even prior to the talk we had on Monday). This leads to some of the bad behavior on my part that I've hinted at in some of my previous blogs. I ignore his calls just because I just don't feel like talking. I have successfully avoided committing to a date this week prior to my leaving for vacation although if I wanted to I could do it. And most importantly of all, I barely think of him unless I see it's him calling me on the phone. This is a bad sign.
I realize that my scattered state of mind is not the only reason for my lack of interest in Mr. Ex, (maybe I'm realizing I'm just not that into him), but it certainly doesn't help the issue. The scattered behavior is a pattern in my life that I'd like to break, but I'm still figuring out the best remedy for it. Am I the only one out there that has this problem?
Yesterday I had a chance meeting (I was eating alone and she asked if she could share my table) during lunch at Cosi with a lovely woman who has an e-commerce handbag business. Mrs. Handbags and I started talking and I discovered that she'd worked for many years in media . As a result of her career in sales, she spent MANY years living out of a suitcase. She said that although she married when she was 27, it was very tough because her lifestyle was so different at the time. When she was finally ready to settle down and have kids she did it and having a child changed her life completely. She was happy that she did it later in life because she felt that she has lived a full life and it made her more ready to make the sacrifices for her new situation as mother and wife. Her story reminded me that for a relationship to work both parties involved have to make room in their lives for it. Up until this year I really had not made room for it, nor could I with all of the traveling (for work), checking out the best clubs and restaurants and socializing I was doing.
In the end it just comes down to balance. I realize that too much of one thing is NOT good for me. It's something that I struggle with each day and I hope that one day I'll find the perfect balance for me. Until then I'll try my best not to be so SCATTERED. Thanks for taking the time out to read my blog today. If you're in NYC I hope that you'll make sure to get out and enjoy a little bit of the sunshine we have today. My countdown to vacation has begun. In case I don't get to blog tomorrow (very likely) have a fantastic week while I'm away.