Thursday, April 9, 2009

Scattered

Hello my faithful readers:

Today is warm at a balmy 60 degrees here in NYC, especially given that we had snow yesterday. I'm very excited because I have two more days here at work and then I'm on my way to Brussels this weekend! It's a big week for me because I have a full day of testing and an interview for one of the MBA programs that I'm interested in next Wednesday. This week has been busy for me and I've been a little scattered, but today is surprisingly quiet.

When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were about what I should write about today. After some thought, I decided that I should just write about my current state of mind. Quite simply it's SCATTERED. The scatter is currently interfering with my interest in dating. For me, being scattered is the biggest killer of my mojo. I tend to lose interest in making the effort when I get caught up in focusing on the (other) things in my life that are vying for my attention (work, family, health, education). Scatter is something that I knew was an issue for me before I even began writing this blog. I realize now that the scatter is creeping back in and rearing it's ugly head.

The best way to describe it is a feeling of what I imagine ADHD feels like. I especially notice it even more in my conversations with Mr. Ex in the past few weeks (even prior to the talk we had on Monday). This leads to some of the bad behavior on my part that I've hinted at in some of my previous blogs. I ignore his calls just because I just don't feel like talking. I have successfully avoided committing to a date this week prior to my leaving for vacation although if I wanted to I could do it. And most importantly of all, I barely think of him unless I see it's him calling me on the phone. This is a bad sign.

I realize that my scattered state of mind is not the only reason for my lack of interest in Mr. Ex, (maybe I'm realizing I'm just not that into him), but it certainly doesn't help the issue. The scattered behavior is a pattern in my life that I'd like to break, but I'm still figuring out the best remedy for it. Am I the only one out there that has this problem?


Yesterday I had a chance meeting (I was eating alone and she asked if she could share my table) during lunch at Cosi with a lovely woman who has an e-commerce handbag business. Mrs. Handbags and I started talking and I discovered that she'd worked for many years in media . As a result of her career in sales, she spent MANY years living out of a suitcase. She said that although she married when she was 27, it was very tough because her lifestyle was so different at the time. When she was finally ready to settle down and have kids she did it and having a child changed her life completely. She was happy that she did it later in life because she felt that she has lived a full life and it made her more ready to make the sacrifices for her new situation as mother and wife. Her story reminded me that for a relationship to work both parties involved have to make room in their lives for it. Up until this year I really had not made room for it, nor could I with all of the traveling (for work), checking out the best clubs and restaurants and socializing I was doing.

In the end it just comes down to balance. I realize that too much of one thing is NOT good for me. It's something that I struggle with each day and I hope that one day I'll find the perfect balance for me. Until then I'll try my best not to be so SCATTERED. Thanks for taking the time out to read my blog today. If you're in NYC I hope that you'll make sure to get out and enjoy a little bit of the sunshine we have today. My countdown to vacation has begun. In case I don't get to blog tomorrow (very likely) have a fantastic week while I'm away.

Mwuah,

Georgia Peach

4 comments:

Ms. Princess said...

Since this is the first time my lazy butt has decided to leave a comment after reading your blog (sorry, it's a habit - Brooke-lyn yells at and beats me if I don't leave her one so I try to stay on point with her), I will first tell you all the things I love about this blog.
Your writing is so colorful Glee. It so reflects your personality. I love to read works that give me info on the writer without me knowing the person. India.Arie is my sista-friend in my head, and I always imagine her to be something like you, minus the guitar and hand-made jewelry, lol.
I love the nick-names/descriptions of the people in your life or folks you encounter. It makes your blog such an enjoyable read. I'm so inspired.
I anticipate reading your blog so I can hear about your date or the concert from the night before or just how you're feeling today since we no longer work together and don't talk all that often anymore :( I feel like I'm still in touch. You're very expressive and can make a reader feel your mood. That's a gift many writers don't possess. You go gurl!
Scattered is how I've felt for the past few years of my life. I'll be 30 next year and it saddens me so. Not because I want to be young but because I'm trying to remember what happened in my 20s! Can't remember what I did for most of the bdays, haven't accomplished what I wanted, definitely haven't done anything for myself: helping family, raising other people's kiddies. WTF?
I was telling my friend, maybe I was thinking about buying one of those $1000 Gucci or LV bags just to say I did something for me! I always said I wouldn't because they're just too much money and I could use it for bills.
Been battling with my career, going back and forth with my own Mr. Ex and depressed to find that my heart is still into him and cares for him. Why? I don't know. He knows it and calls or texts me a couple times a wk. He tries to converse like we're still together. And it's so easy to fall right back in because I loved him for a long time. Unfrotunately being hurt, breaking up or even not seeing him doesn't always change the way you feel.
Was telling one of my best friends about my job situation (I hate to keep calling it that but...) and she texted me "Would you move to Maryland for a good job?" The question shocked me. Never have I thought of moving outta state, further than Jersey, and leaving my family and friends. But maybe that's what I have to do. I don't know. So my mind and thoughts are scattered and so are my actions. I'm hoping to pull it all together soon. I don't want to bring all this baggage into my 3rd decade. I wanna enjoy my 30s and live off the fruits of my labor from my 20s and revel in the lessons learned from the mistakes of my 20s as well. I want to live - for me! I sound like a scene from that play from the 80s "Mama, I Want to Sing!". LOL
Ahhh pray for me Glee. Enjoy your trip and good luck with your testing. We talked about this before and I know this is what you wanna do.

Georgia Peach said...

Ms. Princess thank you for commenting today. You brought tears to my eyes... :) and I can't wait until you're ready to start your own blog.

The first thing I want you to do is to take at least 1 hour out of your day EVERY SINGLE DAY for you. Even if it's just 1 hour of meditating or sitting in the park or eating something you truly enjoy eating. That's something that I make sure I do each and every day and it's something I don't apologize for... Here's what I believe if you don't love and take care of yourself first and foremost, the who will? How will you love and take care of the ones in your life if you're tired, depressed and empty inside.

I'm glad that you're even reading my blogs Ms. Editor (it makes me nervous that so many pro's are reading). We shall get together when I'm back so we can talk further honey. I miss being in the same building with you too.

I'll bring you some chocolate back from Brussels. :o)

teethmarksonmybreast said...

Hi Georgia Peach

I'm new to blogging and came across yours which I have really enjoyed reading. Really like your attitude to finding the right man.

On your recent post, I have to say, I am completely getting you on feeling scattered. If you come up with a fail-proof solution, please keep us informed!

Take Care

Georgia Peach said...

Dear Teeth -

Thanks for stopping by my blog. It's nice to hear that you can relate to me. I'm trying to keep the "right" attitude, but sometimes it is tough. I'll let you know if I ever find a solution for that scatter. :o)

I'll be sure to check your blog out as well. Many thanks!

GP