Hello my faithful readers:
I can't believe how quickly this year is flying by - it's already May! What a difference a few months makes; I'm still pinching myself because in a few months I'll be a full time student for the first time in almost 9 years. Yesterday I made a big commitment (scary for me) by putting my 25% non-refundable deposit down for my MBA program in the fall. I'm very thankful that I had the resources to make the payment with out too much strain (although I was really hoping for more favorable exchange rates). Work is busy again and although I'm glad to have a real, tangible project to focus on (after so many months of downtime), I wish I could just focus on getting my personal to-do list done. Does that make me selfish?
Yesterday I was listening to The Steve Harvey Morning show and he had Delilah (one of the most successful syndicated radio hosts in the US apparently) who had written a book about love. Delilah said something that rocked me to my core. The opposite of love is NOT hate. What????!?
This made me turn my radio up a little louder to hear the rest of what she had to say. Delilah says that to hate someone you have to like them at least a little bit, otherwise you really don't muster up enough energy to "hate" them. In other words if you didn't have some sort of "like/passion" for them then you would not expend the energy to "hate" them.
What Delilah said next surprised me. She said that the opposite of love is SELFISHNESS. Again I was rocked to my very core, because I have been accused of being SELFISH (by my Mom) before. Delilah says that sometimes in love you have to make sacrifices and change your plans to meet the needs of your mate. I'll admit that this is one of my biggest problems (fears) with getting into a committed relationship. I see the sacrifices that my mom, friends and others make for love. Some of them I agree with, but some leave me scratching my head thinking I don't think I could have done that. Like a (spoiled) only child sometimes I happen to think the world revolves around me. Delusional much?
This got me thinking about my decision to move to Belgium for grad school. I know that my family would rather I not move so far away to do it, but I believe it's something I believe I HAVE to do. Does this make me selfish? I've made lots of big decisions in life with only one person in mind before - ME! But now I am wondering if the big problem in my dating life is actually me. Am I (cock) blocking myself from finding the love that (I say) I want?
Here's what my (delusional) self thinks about my current situation. I understand what a real, loving relationship should be and I refuse to settle for less. When the right person comes along who deserves my focus, dedication and sacrifice I will adjust my behavior accordingly. Until then I reserve the right to be (a little) selfish. At this point in my life, I believe I haven't met THE ONE who deserves my focus, dedication and sacrifice. But I'll hold out hope that we'll find each other soon (because beneath my tough exterior) I am a big, romantic at heart. Ok, ok, ok... maybe that's really deep down inside, but really I do believe that there is love out there for us all. I just have to remember what the real opposite of love is so that I don't do it when love finally comes my way.
I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this subject. Do you agree that the opposite of love is selfishness? I think I will check out Delilah's book because I'd love to hear more about her thoughts on the subject of LOVE. I am inspired to get back into the groove again (I had started feeling sorry for myself), but until then I think I'll go check out a few new handbags at my friend Mrs. Handbags special shopping event today from 6-8 pm. Retail therapy always improves my mood. Let me know if you'd like to join me if you're here in NYC.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Cutting off your friends...
Hello my faithful readers:
I had hoped to write something in the blog before today, but things are busier now for me at work so you'll probably see me a little less frequently because once work gets busy, my social and dating life tend to suffer. That means there is MUCH less for me to write about here in my dating blog. Plus my mind is focused on making my move to Belgium and I feel too guilty to waste another person's time when I know I'll be moving away in the next three months.
In my blog last week I mentioned that Mr. Ex and I decided that it was best that we remain friends instead of trying to continue to date each other. I was ok with this decision and even felt relieved by it all, but was quite surprised to get a phone call from him on Thursday evening that puzzled me. First of all he seemed to think that I'd agreed to have sex with him (or do the "nice thing" as he referred to it on the call) after I returned from my trip to Georgia with my family. I found this whole thing humorous and told him I was sorry that he'd misinterpreted something I'd said, because this was definitely NOT the truth. Remember my little 90 day rule? Well if I were still counting we'd still be on just day 41 right now.
Mr. Ex wanted to get into what made things go off track during our last date, but kept saying "No I'll ask you about it when you get back from Georgia." That whole tactic frustrated me and I told him he could ask me what he wanted to ask while he had me on the phone. I told him that I was disappointed by his lack of decision making skills on the date and gave him a few of the examples I blogged about the other day. He said "well I'm not really that way all the time, I just use that as a way of getting to know a person." I told him that although that might be his tactic I've never seen him make a decision in all of our dates (4 to be exact) and it wasn't fair to me because I didn't get the chance to see him make a decision. I really think his excuse is BS, personally because I think the whole "Whatever you like method of decision making" is LAZY. After that he had to get off the phone. He said he'd try to call me back, but I was non-committal because I told him I needed to get to bed early and still had some packing to do for my trip early the next morning. Before we ended the call he kept saying that he felt things were fine with us and that we would get back to normal (HA). I'll admit this was the part that creeped me out the most because I felt like he hadn't listened to a thing I'd just said.
Mr. Ex called me back a couple of times that night. He left a couple of messages for me (STALKER), then that Friday night he called and left a message for me saying that he saw a few phone numbers pop up with my area code that he thought might have been me. Needless to say it wasn't me and I really don't think I need to have another conversation with him anymore. I know that many of you are thinking that I'm a GIANT A$$HOLE, but I think it's best that I don't lead him on anymore. I feel like his perception of what was going on was completely different from mine. I was trying to remain nice throughout this all, but sometimes nice isn't what the situation needs and it's best not to maintain contact. Sometimes it just isn't in the cards to remain friends - especially when you can't agree on the boundaries of your friendship.
I strongly suspect that the only reason Mr. Ex had his change of heart is because he felt he invested too much time/money into our situation to not get the payoff (sex with me). There might be other reasons, but I truly believe that's the main reason for his change of heart. Thanks for reading and I hope that I'll have some new stories for you soon.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
I had hoped to write something in the blog before today, but things are busier now for me at work so you'll probably see me a little less frequently because once work gets busy, my social and dating life tend to suffer. That means there is MUCH less for me to write about here in my dating blog. Plus my mind is focused on making my move to Belgium and I feel too guilty to waste another person's time when I know I'll be moving away in the next three months.
In my blog last week I mentioned that Mr. Ex and I decided that it was best that we remain friends instead of trying to continue to date each other. I was ok with this decision and even felt relieved by it all, but was quite surprised to get a phone call from him on Thursday evening that puzzled me. First of all he seemed to think that I'd agreed to have sex with him (or do the "nice thing" as he referred to it on the call) after I returned from my trip to Georgia with my family. I found this whole thing humorous and told him I was sorry that he'd misinterpreted something I'd said, because this was definitely NOT the truth. Remember my little 90 day rule? Well if I were still counting we'd still be on just day 41 right now.
Mr. Ex wanted to get into what made things go off track during our last date, but kept saying "No I'll ask you about it when you get back from Georgia." That whole tactic frustrated me and I told him he could ask me what he wanted to ask while he had me on the phone. I told him that I was disappointed by his lack of decision making skills on the date and gave him a few of the examples I blogged about the other day. He said "well I'm not really that way all the time, I just use that as a way of getting to know a person." I told him that although that might be his tactic I've never seen him make a decision in all of our dates (4 to be exact) and it wasn't fair to me because I didn't get the chance to see him make a decision. I really think his excuse is BS, personally because I think the whole "Whatever you like method of decision making" is LAZY. After that he had to get off the phone. He said he'd try to call me back, but I was non-committal because I told him I needed to get to bed early and still had some packing to do for my trip early the next morning. Before we ended the call he kept saying that he felt things were fine with us and that we would get back to normal (HA). I'll admit this was the part that creeped me out the most because I felt like he hadn't listened to a thing I'd just said.
Mr. Ex called me back a couple of times that night. He left a couple of messages for me (STALKER), then that Friday night he called and left a message for me saying that he saw a few phone numbers pop up with my area code that he thought might have been me. Needless to say it wasn't me and I really don't think I need to have another conversation with him anymore. I know that many of you are thinking that I'm a GIANT A$$HOLE, but I think it's best that I don't lead him on anymore. I feel like his perception of what was going on was completely different from mine. I was trying to remain nice throughout this all, but sometimes nice isn't what the situation needs and it's best not to maintain contact. Sometimes it just isn't in the cards to remain friends - especially when you can't agree on the boundaries of your friendship.
I strongly suspect that the only reason Mr. Ex had his change of heart is because he felt he invested too much time/money into our situation to not get the payoff (sex with me). There might be other reasons, but I truly believe that's the main reason for his change of heart. Thanks for reading and I hope that I'll have some new stories for you soon.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
He wasn't man enough for me
Hello my faithful readers:
After such a BEAUTIFUL weekend, I'm savoring the great weather we're having here in NYC this week. Work is still a little nutty because I'm only in the office a couple of times this week. Tomorrow I head to Manchester, TN to do a site check; on Friday I'll be heading home to Georgia to hang with the family and watch my baby sister graduate from Pharmacy School (finally we have a Doctor in the family)! :o)
Here's a quick update on the date on Saturday with Mr. Ex - we finally mutually agreed (OK I made it VERY CLEAR) that we probably are better off remaining friends. I'm glad that we spent the day together because we've only hung out in 2-3 hour increments, before our marathon date on Saturday. Spending the day with a person really makes a difference and I am quite happy that we did it. It was a good test and I realize now that there were a few (BIG) things about him that I tended to ignore before because I only saw the behavior occasionally within our 2-3 hour dates.
We met up at Central Park and I have to say that it was a great day to be in the park (the weather was gorgeous) and I don't think I've ever seen so many people there before. We started to walk a little deeper into the park and a dog barks at him as we walk by. I have NEVER seen a man jump out of his skin as much as he did. From that moment on I was watching a little more closely because I thought he's scared of a dog? While we were walking through the park, I took the opportunity to ask a few more questions about him and I finally asked what his mysterious 2nd part-time job was and he grudgingly admitted that he's a barista (for Starbucks). He says he is planning to quit this job soon, but if he needs to make his bills who am I to judge? I recognize that times are hard for lots of people right now.
After spending several hours in the park and talking we headed down to Soho for some pizza at Lombardi's. This is where I realized that the coy behavior he'd exhibited before (calling me the boss and saying that whatever I wanted was what he wanted) drove me absolutely nutty. Here's a little sample of our dialogue at dinner:
Me: Do you like pizza?
Him: I like whatever you like
Me: What kind of pizza do you like?
Him: I like whatever you like, you're the boss!
Me: Do you drink soft drinks? If so what kind because I was thinking we could order a pitcher together?
Him: I drink them sometimes, I'll drink whatever you want to order.
After dealing with this type of exchange all day (even putting together what we were going to do for the day went that way), I just couldn't take it anymore. I ordered the meal when he was in the bathroom and decided I'd just grin and bear it for the rest of the date. I asked him some questions one of which was why he thought I should get into a relationship with him. Although his answer was not bad "Because I'll never disappoint you," his demeanor during this talk bothered me a lot. It's something I'd noticed before, but ignored. He covered his mouth with both his hands when he talked to me about anything serious and averted his eyes to some point behind me (and off to the side). Both of these body language tells REALLY bother me because when I speak to a person I like to make direct eye contact and covering your mouth indicates that you're not being totally honest.
After a yummy pepperoni pizza, I suggested we walk around a little bit more. We walked down towards Canal Street and then back up to the village. I was a little quiet throughout the day, but I would point out interesting landmarks for him and whenever I had a question I'd ask. As we were walking back up to the West Village he mentioned for the umpteenth time that if I was tired we could head in (I told him a few times earlier that day I'd let him know when I was ready to head in). At that point I said "OK" and headed for the train station.
It was at the train where he asked for a kiss instead of just giving one. For me it wasn't really that he asked, but it was more of how he asked that rubbed me the wrong way. I think by this point if he'd just leaned in and given me a kiss I would have appreciated it more than him trying to negotiate a kiss out of me on the subway platform. I guess in the end it was really just a matter of timing. So he's following me as I'm headed down the stairs to the F train and we had a really awkward kiss on the stairwell. He made the comment that "someone" needs kissing lessons. My retort was "Yep, someone definitely needs lessons after that one."
I got home and later he called and left me a voicemail message saying he would leave me alone, but wanted to ask me some questions before he did. Then about 10-15 minutes later he called me and told me he'd lost his car keys somewhere. I helped him to call the restaurant with no luck and I think he ended up taking another bus back to his apartment. He found the keys the next day, but thankfully I never had to answer his questions.
All in the date wasn't bad, but I realized that I can't date someone that bothers me this much if we hang out for more than a couple of hours. I know this probably sounds arrogant, but he truly wasn't a good match for me because he just isn't at my level. I've mentioned it here before, but it was made clear by our date on Saturday. I have a strong personality and I need someone who has an equally strong personality that's a compliment to my own (strong personality). I can't date someone who continues to "Yes" me to death or can't even look me in the eye when we're having serious conversation. And let's be real here -- I'm a tall girl with sturdy bone structure. If I feel like I'm the protector in the relationship then the dude isn't man enough for me (I honestly think that's why I love really tall men).
I'm out of the office on Wednesday and Friday, but I'll try to write a little something for Thursday. Have a great week otherwise.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
After such a BEAUTIFUL weekend, I'm savoring the great weather we're having here in NYC this week. Work is still a little nutty because I'm only in the office a couple of times this week. Tomorrow I head to Manchester, TN to do a site check; on Friday I'll be heading home to Georgia to hang with the family and watch my baby sister graduate from Pharmacy School (finally we have a Doctor in the family)! :o)
Here's a quick update on the date on Saturday with Mr. Ex - we finally mutually agreed (OK I made it VERY CLEAR) that we probably are better off remaining friends. I'm glad that we spent the day together because we've only hung out in 2-3 hour increments, before our marathon date on Saturday. Spending the day with a person really makes a difference and I am quite happy that we did it. It was a good test and I realize now that there were a few (BIG) things about him that I tended to ignore before because I only saw the behavior occasionally within our 2-3 hour dates.
We met up at Central Park and I have to say that it was a great day to be in the park (the weather was gorgeous) and I don't think I've ever seen so many people there before. We started to walk a little deeper into the park and a dog barks at him as we walk by. I have NEVER seen a man jump out of his skin as much as he did. From that moment on I was watching a little more closely because I thought he's scared of a dog? While we were walking through the park, I took the opportunity to ask a few more questions about him and I finally asked what his mysterious 2nd part-time job was and he grudgingly admitted that he's a barista (for Starbucks). He says he is planning to quit this job soon, but if he needs to make his bills who am I to judge? I recognize that times are hard for lots of people right now.
After spending several hours in the park and talking we headed down to Soho for some pizza at Lombardi's. This is where I realized that the coy behavior he'd exhibited before (calling me the boss and saying that whatever I wanted was what he wanted) drove me absolutely nutty. Here's a little sample of our dialogue at dinner:
Me: Do you like pizza?
Him: I like whatever you like
Me: What kind of pizza do you like?
Him: I like whatever you like, you're the boss!
Me: Do you drink soft drinks? If so what kind because I was thinking we could order a pitcher together?
Him: I drink them sometimes, I'll drink whatever you want to order.
After dealing with this type of exchange all day (even putting together what we were going to do for the day went that way), I just couldn't take it anymore. I ordered the meal when he was in the bathroom and decided I'd just grin and bear it for the rest of the date. I asked him some questions one of which was why he thought I should get into a relationship with him. Although his answer was not bad "Because I'll never disappoint you," his demeanor during this talk bothered me a lot. It's something I'd noticed before, but ignored. He covered his mouth with both his hands when he talked to me about anything serious and averted his eyes to some point behind me (and off to the side). Both of these body language tells REALLY bother me because when I speak to a person I like to make direct eye contact and covering your mouth indicates that you're not being totally honest.
After a yummy pepperoni pizza, I suggested we walk around a little bit more. We walked down towards Canal Street and then back up to the village. I was a little quiet throughout the day, but I would point out interesting landmarks for him and whenever I had a question I'd ask. As we were walking back up to the West Village he mentioned for the umpteenth time that if I was tired we could head in (I told him a few times earlier that day I'd let him know when I was ready to head in). At that point I said "OK" and headed for the train station.
It was at the train where he asked for a kiss instead of just giving one. For me it wasn't really that he asked, but it was more of how he asked that rubbed me the wrong way. I think by this point if he'd just leaned in and given me a kiss I would have appreciated it more than him trying to negotiate a kiss out of me on the subway platform. I guess in the end it was really just a matter of timing. So he's following me as I'm headed down the stairs to the F train and we had a really awkward kiss on the stairwell. He made the comment that "someone" needs kissing lessons. My retort was "Yep, someone definitely needs lessons after that one."
I got home and later he called and left me a voicemail message saying he would leave me alone, but wanted to ask me some questions before he did. Then about 10-15 minutes later he called me and told me he'd lost his car keys somewhere. I helped him to call the restaurant with no luck and I think he ended up taking another bus back to his apartment. He found the keys the next day, but thankfully I never had to answer his questions.
All in the date wasn't bad, but I realized that I can't date someone that bothers me this much if we hang out for more than a couple of hours. I know this probably sounds arrogant, but he truly wasn't a good match for me because he just isn't at my level. I've mentioned it here before, but it was made clear by our date on Saturday. I have a strong personality and I need someone who has an equally strong personality that's a compliment to my own (strong personality). I can't date someone who continues to "Yes" me to death or can't even look me in the eye when we're having serious conversation. And let's be real here -- I'm a tall girl with sturdy bone structure. If I feel like I'm the protector in the relationship then the dude isn't man enough for me (I honestly think that's why I love really tall men).
I'm out of the office on Wednesday and Friday, but I'll try to write a little something for Thursday. Have a great week otherwise.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Friday, April 24, 2009
What's the difference?
Hello my faithful readers:
First off all HAPPY FRIDAY to you! I'm so glad that it's the end of this week of late nights in the office; plus I seem to be developing some sort of cold/sinus issue that's getting worse. Now I'm working on building up my energy for all of my weekend plans. Tonight I'd rather go home, put my PJ's on and sleep the whole weekend through. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for my social life) I have plans both tonight and tomorrow. Tonight's plans include heading over to Hoboken, NJ to celebrate one of my former co-workers birthday's at the new W Hotel. Tomorrow I have a full day of hanging out with Mr. Ex (our plans are still TBD, but I think we're going to do the NYC tourist experience).
Today I wanted to talk about some of my own prejudices. I received correspondence from two different men who happened to fall into the same age category (on different dating websites). I responded to both of them in a nice way, but I'd actually consider going out on a date with only one of them, even though they both seem to be pretty similar on the surface (both writers).
Bachelor #1 (50 years old lives in Brooklyn):
I really don't think it's a great idea to be describing mysef, but then it would be tough for you to get an idea of what kind of person I am, wouldn't it?So I will say that I am fun, funny, sweet, open, intense, smart, curious, bookish but outgoing, adventurous, musical, literate, patient, well travelled, with a ton of life experience (ok, so sometimes I just need to learn things the hard way). I've lived in some interesting parts of the world, and I try to keep an open mind about different ways of living. I appreciate people who are open-minded, nonjudgemental, curious, compassionate, funny, and I hope I am most of those things. On my great days, I am.I do not get angry, and I believe it's really, really important to discuss openly what's on our minds and in our hearts.I'm curious about people and how they live and what they think. I've lived in a few countries and have been humbled by the experience. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, and just being turned on by life.I am sexy, affectionate, generous, and open minded, but I can be a pain in the butt sometimes (i hope in a nice way).i am very much into music, writing, books, the outdoors, food, cooking, and am adventurous and always looking to explore: new music, writers, places, meeting new people...you name it.I am amicably divorced and a father of 2 amazing daughers who live in another state with their mother, but I am a very active father.I am looking for someone who can appreciate my good qualities and hopefully be patient with my lesser ones. Someone who is independent, bright, open, curious, and ready for anything (and for me).
Bachelor #2 (51 years old lives in NJ)
I'm a writer, author, poet, playwright, drummer, story teller, motivational speaker and an international traveler. I teach Afrikan Studies, specializing in ancient Kemet (Egypt). I do ancient Kemet meditation, and i am a Grand Master in Afrakan Martial Arts.
I would like to meet someone who is Afrikan centered or loves Afrika and Afrikan people, educated, in shape, concerned about health, and loves the outdoors. Also opened minded, willing to think outside the box. Please have a photo if you want a response!
Now I have to admit that my responses were mostly based on the pictures both of the men had up on their profiles. I simply found one to be a little more attractive than the other guy. I must disclose that one guy was white and the other black.
Initially, I wasn't attracted to Bachelor #2 at all based on his picture. I have to wonder why I could consider giving the first guy a chance, but not Bachelor #2, simply because I thought he was too old for me. Seriously my reason for immediately dismissing Bachelor #2, the fact that he was 51. This now seems pretty irrational to me and I realize I have some HUGE prejudices. If I'm honest with myself I'll admit that the fact that his picture has him in full Afrikan garb, (dread)locks and with all the language about wanting to meet someone who is Afrikan centered freaked me out a little. Yes, I'm a woman of color (African American descent), but I wouldn't consider myself to be especially militant. Truth be told, Bachelor #2 seems like that type of guy that I might see hanging out on the streets up in Harlem on Brooklyn selling incense. Nothing wrong with that type of man, just not someone I'd normally associate with on any level (friendship or otherwise).
Bachelor #1 is a divorcee with two kids. Dating someone with kids is usually someone I wouldn't consider seeing, but the older I get the harder I realize it's possible to stick to that rule. I'll admit the thing that appealed to me most about Bachelor #1 was the fact that he seems well traveled, hey he's even lived in several foreign countries. This is a guy I could see myself be-friending if I were out having drinks and met him that way.
I haven't even gotten into the issue of age. I have been questioning whether it's really appropriate for me to consider dating someone in their 50's. When I was younger (22) I dated someone who was much older (45) , but now I wonder what is really appropriate? I know that I'm a relatively mature 30, but getting into the territory of dating someone in their 50's makes me nervous. To put this into context my mother is 51 years old. So if I open the door to dating someone who is in their 50's, for me it would be just like dating one of my parents.
I have to admit that I puzzle even myself sometimes with my contradictory, irrational thought processes about my issues. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this subject. What's appropriate? Do you have any prejudices (or as I like to call them preferences) that you won't ever change? How often do you find yourself judging a book by its cover? I sure have a lot to think about, but this is all helpful for my journey (I hope).
Thanks again for taking the time to read the blog today and I hope that you'll become one of my followers or leave comment if you like what you're reading here. If you're in the northeast make sure you head outside this weekend to enjoy some of the 80 degree weather we're supposed to have tomorrow and Sunday. Have a great weekend!
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
First off all HAPPY FRIDAY to you! I'm so glad that it's the end of this week of late nights in the office; plus I seem to be developing some sort of cold/sinus issue that's getting worse. Now I'm working on building up my energy for all of my weekend plans. Tonight I'd rather go home, put my PJ's on and sleep the whole weekend through. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for my social life) I have plans both tonight and tomorrow. Tonight's plans include heading over to Hoboken, NJ to celebrate one of my former co-workers birthday's at the new W Hotel. Tomorrow I have a full day of hanging out with Mr. Ex (our plans are still TBD, but I think we're going to do the NYC tourist experience).
Today I wanted to talk about some of my own prejudices. I received correspondence from two different men who happened to fall into the same age category (on different dating websites). I responded to both of them in a nice way, but I'd actually consider going out on a date with only one of them, even though they both seem to be pretty similar on the surface (both writers).
Bachelor #1 (50 years old lives in Brooklyn):
I really don't think it's a great idea to be describing mysef, but then it would be tough for you to get an idea of what kind of person I am, wouldn't it?So I will say that I am fun, funny, sweet, open, intense, smart, curious, bookish but outgoing, adventurous, musical, literate, patient, well travelled, with a ton of life experience (ok, so sometimes I just need to learn things the hard way). I've lived in some interesting parts of the world, and I try to keep an open mind about different ways of living. I appreciate people who are open-minded, nonjudgemental, curious, compassionate, funny, and I hope I am most of those things. On my great days, I am.I do not get angry, and I believe it's really, really important to discuss openly what's on our minds and in our hearts.I'm curious about people and how they live and what they think. I've lived in a few countries and have been humbled by the experience. I love exploring new places, meeting new people, and just being turned on by life.I am sexy, affectionate, generous, and open minded, but I can be a pain in the butt sometimes (i hope in a nice way).i am very much into music, writing, books, the outdoors, food, cooking, and am adventurous and always looking to explore: new music, writers, places, meeting new people...you name it.I am amicably divorced and a father of 2 amazing daughers who live in another state with their mother, but I am a very active father.I am looking for someone who can appreciate my good qualities and hopefully be patient with my lesser ones. Someone who is independent, bright, open, curious, and ready for anything (and for me).
Bachelor #2 (51 years old lives in NJ)
I'm a writer, author, poet, playwright, drummer, story teller, motivational speaker and an international traveler. I teach Afrikan Studies, specializing in ancient Kemet (Egypt). I do ancient Kemet meditation, and i am a Grand Master in Afrakan Martial Arts.
I would like to meet someone who is Afrikan centered or loves Afrika and Afrikan people, educated, in shape, concerned about health, and loves the outdoors. Also opened minded, willing to think outside the box. Please have a photo if you want a response!
Now I have to admit that my responses were mostly based on the pictures both of the men had up on their profiles. I simply found one to be a little more attractive than the other guy. I must disclose that one guy was white and the other black.
Initially, I wasn't attracted to Bachelor #2 at all based on his picture. I have to wonder why I could consider giving the first guy a chance, but not Bachelor #2, simply because I thought he was too old for me. Seriously my reason for immediately dismissing Bachelor #2, the fact that he was 51. This now seems pretty irrational to me and I realize I have some HUGE prejudices. If I'm honest with myself I'll admit that the fact that his picture has him in full Afrikan garb, (dread)locks and with all the language about wanting to meet someone who is Afrikan centered freaked me out a little. Yes, I'm a woman of color (African American descent), but I wouldn't consider myself to be especially militant. Truth be told, Bachelor #2 seems like that type of guy that I might see hanging out on the streets up in Harlem on Brooklyn selling incense. Nothing wrong with that type of man, just not someone I'd normally associate with on any level (friendship or otherwise).
Bachelor #1 is a divorcee with two kids. Dating someone with kids is usually someone I wouldn't consider seeing, but the older I get the harder I realize it's possible to stick to that rule. I'll admit the thing that appealed to me most about Bachelor #1 was the fact that he seems well traveled, hey he's even lived in several foreign countries. This is a guy I could see myself be-friending if I were out having drinks and met him that way.
I haven't even gotten into the issue of age. I have been questioning whether it's really appropriate for me to consider dating someone in their 50's. When I was younger (22) I dated someone who was much older (45) , but now I wonder what is really appropriate? I know that I'm a relatively mature 30, but getting into the territory of dating someone in their 50's makes me nervous. To put this into context my mother is 51 years old. So if I open the door to dating someone who is in their 50's, for me it would be just like dating one of my parents.
I have to admit that I puzzle even myself sometimes with my contradictory, irrational thought processes about my issues. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this subject. What's appropriate? Do you have any prejudices (or as I like to call them preferences) that you won't ever change? How often do you find yourself judging a book by its cover? I sure have a lot to think about, but this is all helpful for my journey (I hope).
Thanks again for taking the time to read the blog today and I hope that you'll become one of my followers or leave comment if you like what you're reading here. If you're in the northeast make sure you head outside this weekend to enjoy some of the 80 degree weather we're supposed to have tomorrow and Sunday. Have a great weekend!
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Thursday, April 23, 2009
What are we?
Hello my faithful readers:
Wow, this has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for me. I know that I have been a quite scarce around the blogosphere and I blame it wholeheartedly on my job. I have some good news from my trip to Belgium last week. I was officially accepted into the MBA program at Vlerick Leuven Gent Management School (YAY). After taking last week off from work, I've been busy the past couple of days just getting caught up with all of the projects we have going on now. I have lots of planning and thinking to do in the meantime to get prepared for my big move and life change.
All of the exciting developments in my life mean that I haven't focused on dating nearly as much as I did a few weeks ago. I have been using some of this time to get to know Mr. Ex a whole lot better and we are becoming friends. I believe we mutually like and respect each other quite a bit. He would like things to move along a whole lot faster than I'm allowing them to happen and he has affectionately nicknamed me The Boss which I don't mind now, the name is growing on me.
Mr. Ex asked me a tough question last night on the phone. "What do you say about us if people ask you? What do you tell your friends and family?" I was hoping to avoid this question (forever) because I have soooo many balls in the air right now (work is busy and I am moving to Europe in a few months). He also has no idea that I have a dating blog and that I've written about him here quite a few times. Since the last time I updated you all we've had quite a few in depth conversations. I finally got him to stop talking about his exes and we see eye to eye on most of the big issues in life. So my answer was "I tell people we're dating." He has hinted around before about getting into a relationship together, but I fiercely remind him that I am moving away and that I DON'T DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. I've offered up many opportunities for us to end things, yet he keeps saying "You never know what will happen, let's just go with it."
I am a planner by nature. I don't like a lot of surprises in my life. Although I don't consider myself to be rigid, I am a bit of a control freak. My life has a plan and I tick my goals off on a regular basis. I need to guide things at least a little bit. So we'll see how things develop with my friendship. I know many of you like me feel like Mr. Ex is a risky proposition (for me) given the fact that he (seems) to be finding his way. What can I can say about him? He is working (he has a couple of part-time gigs) and I've found him to be a genuine person. I think he's helped me to grow as a person, but part of me has to wonder if his lack of career is a sign of bigger issues that he's kept hidden thus far. I'm watching him like a hawk; for now all I can do is to enjoy his company and the time we spend together.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support from you. If you like what you're reading or you have something to say don't feel shy, chime in or better yet become one of my followers! Have a wonderful evening.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Wow, this has been a whirlwind couple of weeks for me. I know that I have been a quite scarce around the blogosphere and I blame it wholeheartedly on my job. I have some good news from my trip to Belgium last week. I was officially accepted into the MBA program at Vlerick Leuven Gent Management School (YAY). After taking last week off from work, I've been busy the past couple of days just getting caught up with all of the projects we have going on now. I have lots of planning and thinking to do in the meantime to get prepared for my big move and life change.
All of the exciting developments in my life mean that I haven't focused on dating nearly as much as I did a few weeks ago. I have been using some of this time to get to know Mr. Ex a whole lot better and we are becoming friends. I believe we mutually like and respect each other quite a bit. He would like things to move along a whole lot faster than I'm allowing them to happen and he has affectionately nicknamed me The Boss which I don't mind now, the name is growing on me.
Mr. Ex asked me a tough question last night on the phone. "What do you say about us if people ask you? What do you tell your friends and family?" I was hoping to avoid this question (forever) because I have soooo many balls in the air right now (work is busy and I am moving to Europe in a few months). He also has no idea that I have a dating blog and that I've written about him here quite a few times. Since the last time I updated you all we've had quite a few in depth conversations. I finally got him to stop talking about his exes and we see eye to eye on most of the big issues in life. So my answer was "I tell people we're dating." He has hinted around before about getting into a relationship together, but I fiercely remind him that I am moving away and that I DON'T DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. I've offered up many opportunities for us to end things, yet he keeps saying "You never know what will happen, let's just go with it."
I am a planner by nature. I don't like a lot of surprises in my life. Although I don't consider myself to be rigid, I am a bit of a control freak. My life has a plan and I tick my goals off on a regular basis. I need to guide things at least a little bit. So we'll see how things develop with my friendship. I know many of you like me feel like Mr. Ex is a risky proposition (for me) given the fact that he (seems) to be finding his way. What can I can say about him? He is working (he has a couple of part-time gigs) and I've found him to be a genuine person. I think he's helped me to grow as a person, but part of me has to wonder if his lack of career is a sign of bigger issues that he's kept hidden thus far. I'm watching him like a hawk; for now all I can do is to enjoy his company and the time we spend together.
Thanks for reading and I appreciate all of the support from you. If you like what you're reading or you have something to say don't feel shy, chime in or better yet become one of my followers! Have a wonderful evening.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Scattered
Hello my faithful readers:
Today is warm at a balmy 60 degrees here in NYC, especially given that we had snow yesterday. I'm very excited because I have two more days here at work and then I'm on my way to Brussels this weekend! It's a big week for me because I have a full day of testing and an interview for one of the MBA programs that I'm interested in next Wednesday. This week has been busy for me and I've been a little scattered, but today is surprisingly quiet.
When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were about what I should write about today. After some thought, I decided that I should just write about my current state of mind. Quite simply it's SCATTERED. The scatter is currently interfering with my interest in dating. For me, being scattered is the biggest killer of my mojo. I tend to lose interest in making the effort when I get caught up in focusing on the (other) things in my life that are vying for my attention (work, family, health, education). Scatter is something that I knew was an issue for me before I even began writing this blog. I realize now that the scatter is creeping back in and rearing it's ugly head.
The best way to describe it is a feeling of what I imagine ADHD feels like. I especially notice it even more in my conversations with Mr. Ex in the past few weeks (even prior to the talk we had on Monday). This leads to some of the bad behavior on my part that I've hinted at in some of my previous blogs. I ignore his calls just because I just don't feel like talking. I have successfully avoided committing to a date this week prior to my leaving for vacation although if I wanted to I could do it. And most importantly of all, I barely think of him unless I see it's him calling me on the phone. This is a bad sign.
I realize that my scattered state of mind is not the only reason for my lack of interest in Mr. Ex, (maybe I'm realizing I'm just not that into him), but it certainly doesn't help the issue. The scattered behavior is a pattern in my life that I'd like to break, but I'm still figuring out the best remedy for it. Am I the only one out there that has this problem?
Yesterday I had a chance meeting (I was eating alone and she asked if she could share my table) during lunch at Cosi with a lovely woman who has an e-commerce handbag business. Mrs. Handbags and I started talking and I discovered that she'd worked for many years in media . As a result of her career in sales, she spent MANY years living out of a suitcase. She said that although she married when she was 27, it was very tough because her lifestyle was so different at the time. When she was finally ready to settle down and have kids she did it and having a child changed her life completely. She was happy that she did it later in life because she felt that she has lived a full life and it made her more ready to make the sacrifices for her new situation as mother and wife. Her story reminded me that for a relationship to work both parties involved have to make room in their lives for it. Up until this year I really had not made room for it, nor could I with all of the traveling (for work), checking out the best clubs and restaurants and socializing I was doing.
In the end it just comes down to balance. I realize that too much of one thing is NOT good for me. It's something that I struggle with each day and I hope that one day I'll find the perfect balance for me. Until then I'll try my best not to be so SCATTERED. Thanks for taking the time out to read my blog today. If you're in NYC I hope that you'll make sure to get out and enjoy a little bit of the sunshine we have today. My countdown to vacation has begun. In case I don't get to blog tomorrow (very likely) have a fantastic week while I'm away.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Today is warm at a balmy 60 degrees here in NYC, especially given that we had snow yesterday. I'm very excited because I have two more days here at work and then I'm on my way to Brussels this weekend! It's a big week for me because I have a full day of testing and an interview for one of the MBA programs that I'm interested in next Wednesday. This week has been busy for me and I've been a little scattered, but today is surprisingly quiet.
When I woke up this morning, my first thoughts were about what I should write about today. After some thought, I decided that I should just write about my current state of mind. Quite simply it's SCATTERED. The scatter is currently interfering with my interest in dating. For me, being scattered is the biggest killer of my mojo. I tend to lose interest in making the effort when I get caught up in focusing on the (other) things in my life that are vying for my attention (work, family, health, education). Scatter is something that I knew was an issue for me before I even began writing this blog. I realize now that the scatter is creeping back in and rearing it's ugly head.
The best way to describe it is a feeling of what I imagine ADHD feels like. I especially notice it even more in my conversations with Mr. Ex in the past few weeks (even prior to the talk we had on Monday). This leads to some of the bad behavior on my part that I've hinted at in some of my previous blogs. I ignore his calls just because I just don't feel like talking. I have successfully avoided committing to a date this week prior to my leaving for vacation although if I wanted to I could do it. And most importantly of all, I barely think of him unless I see it's him calling me on the phone. This is a bad sign.
I realize that my scattered state of mind is not the only reason for my lack of interest in Mr. Ex, (maybe I'm realizing I'm just not that into him), but it certainly doesn't help the issue. The scattered behavior is a pattern in my life that I'd like to break, but I'm still figuring out the best remedy for it. Am I the only one out there that has this problem?
Yesterday I had a chance meeting (I was eating alone and she asked if she could share my table) during lunch at Cosi with a lovely woman who has an e-commerce handbag business. Mrs. Handbags and I started talking and I discovered that she'd worked for many years in media . As a result of her career in sales, she spent MANY years living out of a suitcase. She said that although she married when she was 27, it was very tough because her lifestyle was so different at the time. When she was finally ready to settle down and have kids she did it and having a child changed her life completely. She was happy that she did it later in life because she felt that she has lived a full life and it made her more ready to make the sacrifices for her new situation as mother and wife. Her story reminded me that for a relationship to work both parties involved have to make room in their lives for it. Up until this year I really had not made room for it, nor could I with all of the traveling (for work), checking out the best clubs and restaurants and socializing I was doing.
In the end it just comes down to balance. I realize that too much of one thing is NOT good for me. It's something that I struggle with each day and I hope that one day I'll find the perfect balance for me. Until then I'll try my best not to be so SCATTERED. Thanks for taking the time out to read my blog today. If you're in NYC I hope that you'll make sure to get out and enjoy a little bit of the sunshine we have today. My countdown to vacation has begun. In case I don't get to blog tomorrow (very likely) have a fantastic week while I'm away.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wasted time
Hello my faithful readers:
I hope that you're surviving the ups and downs we're having with the weather. Yesterday here in NYC it was pouring rain; today the temperature has dropped back down into the 40's (with the wind chill it feels like the 30's), yet all I can think about right now is the future. It's funny because the more I mature, the more I realize that my priorities are shifting. The goals of becoming a member of some board or the SVP of This and That no longer matter nearly as much as they did just a couple of years ago. Life is polishing some of the rough edges on me. Now more than ever I just want a bright and happy future for myself and my loved ones.
Yesterday I had a tough conversation with Mr. Ex, which resulted in him saying "Well I guess it's a waste of time for us to go out again." FINALLY I had the guts to say what's been on my mind for a few weeks now.
I had no intention of bringing it up yesterday, but he mentioned to me again of his desire to write a book. I told him that he should get started on this goal right now by devoting at least one hour of his day to writing. If you don't know this about me, I'm a strong believer in setting a goal and then working towards that goal. So I asked him flat out how he felt about his goals and whether or not he's good at meeting his goals. Probably not the most direct way to ask the question I wanted the answer to, but I wanted to hear his response. He said that he's met some of his goals and that some he definitely hasn't met yet, but overall he feels ok with where he is in life to date. I told him honestly that the reason I ask him so many questions about his goals is because I find him to be a bit of an enigma to me. He talks a good game and says that he wants to settle down, yet if you look at his accomplishments to date on paper, it doesn't add up to very much.
One thing that has come up in previous conversations with Mr. Ex is his belief that the women he has dated in the past ALL had issues with him not having his college degree. I was honest with him and said that his having the degree is not the problem for me. The biggest issue for me is the fact that he is 36 years old, doesn't seem to have any career goals and seems to be in a holding pattern of some sort. I asked him to think about the issue from my perspective. How would he feel if he was the one who had it going on all levels (career, financials, physical and spiritual) and he was dating someone who seemed to be floundering (similar to his current situation)? His response this response to me was "Behind every man is a good woman." I agree that this statement is true, but asked him if he felt he should have his situation a little more stable before getting into a serious relationship. It was at this moment that the battery in his phone started to die and he told me he'd call me back.
When Mr. Ex called me back later that evening, he told me that he understood where I was coming from. Apparently he had been thinking about this too (although I think for him he really thought it was about whether he has a degree or not) and I had to ask him again if he felt he was ready to get into a serious relationship with anyone. He said that he is indeed ready and declared that things will fall into place for him. That he has the desire and that he's had a few setbacks in life, but he truly believes that he will be ok. He then shared that before he moved to NJ he had worked on a business plan for a couple of businesses (an Angolan restaurant and an import/export business). He said that he had a business plan that he worked on a few years ago, but that he's had a few setbacks over the years and has not worked on launching either in some time.
I got the sense that life for him got off track for Mr. Ex in 2003. That's the year he fixated on and that seems to be the last time he felt like he was doing well in regards to his work and financial life. He gave me a little of the back story about the situation, which involved living with a woman, a break-up and a car (always a recipe for disaster in my book). Needless to say he said for the first time in all of our talks that if things don't work out for him in NJ in a year he will probably move home. This is someone who just a week and a half ago on our last date said he never wants to move back home. Honestly, I think it is as a result of pressure from his family to move home because they see the same thing I see someone who is in his mid-30's floundering.
I am happy that I got this off my chest because I had been holding back because quite simply I wasn't sure how to tactfully bring it up. I don't think that this will always go down so smoothly, but in this instance it was a conversation that I learned more about myself than anything. Mr. Ex said that he still likes me and is interested in having another date with me (he actually wanted to go out tonight), but I have plans with some of my girls from work that I can't cancel. I'm still considering things, but to be honest I feel more comfortable with watching Mr. Ex and his situation to see how it develops. I hope that his claim that he will make it happen is true (for his sake).
Thanks again for reading my blog. I love hearing from you guys and this whole process is helping me to grow up (even more). Hope that you enjoy the rest of this week no matter what it brings your way. I'm realizing that being flexible is just as important as following the plan.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
I hope that you're surviving the ups and downs we're having with the weather. Yesterday here in NYC it was pouring rain; today the temperature has dropped back down into the 40's (with the wind chill it feels like the 30's), yet all I can think about right now is the future. It's funny because the more I mature, the more I realize that my priorities are shifting. The goals of becoming a member of some board or the SVP of This and That no longer matter nearly as much as they did just a couple of years ago. Life is polishing some of the rough edges on me. Now more than ever I just want a bright and happy future for myself and my loved ones.
Yesterday I had a tough conversation with Mr. Ex, which resulted in him saying "Well I guess it's a waste of time for us to go out again." FINALLY I had the guts to say what's been on my mind for a few weeks now.
I had no intention of bringing it up yesterday, but he mentioned to me again of his desire to write a book. I told him that he should get started on this goal right now by devoting at least one hour of his day to writing. If you don't know this about me, I'm a strong believer in setting a goal and then working towards that goal. So I asked him flat out how he felt about his goals and whether or not he's good at meeting his goals. Probably not the most direct way to ask the question I wanted the answer to, but I wanted to hear his response. He said that he's met some of his goals and that some he definitely hasn't met yet, but overall he feels ok with where he is in life to date. I told him honestly that the reason I ask him so many questions about his goals is because I find him to be a bit of an enigma to me. He talks a good game and says that he wants to settle down, yet if you look at his accomplishments to date on paper, it doesn't add up to very much.
One thing that has come up in previous conversations with Mr. Ex is his belief that the women he has dated in the past ALL had issues with him not having his college degree. I was honest with him and said that his having the degree is not the problem for me. The biggest issue for me is the fact that he is 36 years old, doesn't seem to have any career goals and seems to be in a holding pattern of some sort. I asked him to think about the issue from my perspective. How would he feel if he was the one who had it going on all levels (career, financials, physical and spiritual) and he was dating someone who seemed to be floundering (similar to his current situation)? His response this response to me was "Behind every man is a good woman." I agree that this statement is true, but asked him if he felt he should have his situation a little more stable before getting into a serious relationship. It was at this moment that the battery in his phone started to die and he told me he'd call me back.
When Mr. Ex called me back later that evening, he told me that he understood where I was coming from. Apparently he had been thinking about this too (although I think for him he really thought it was about whether he has a degree or not) and I had to ask him again if he felt he was ready to get into a serious relationship with anyone. He said that he is indeed ready and declared that things will fall into place for him. That he has the desire and that he's had a few setbacks in life, but he truly believes that he will be ok. He then shared that before he moved to NJ he had worked on a business plan for a couple of businesses (an Angolan restaurant and an import/export business). He said that he had a business plan that he worked on a few years ago, but that he's had a few setbacks over the years and has not worked on launching either in some time.
I got the sense that life for him got off track for Mr. Ex in 2003. That's the year he fixated on and that seems to be the last time he felt like he was doing well in regards to his work and financial life. He gave me a little of the back story about the situation, which involved living with a woman, a break-up and a car (always a recipe for disaster in my book). Needless to say he said for the first time in all of our talks that if things don't work out for him in NJ in a year he will probably move home. This is someone who just a week and a half ago on our last date said he never wants to move back home. Honestly, I think it is as a result of pressure from his family to move home because they see the same thing I see someone who is in his mid-30's floundering.
I am happy that I got this off my chest because I had been holding back because quite simply I wasn't sure how to tactfully bring it up. I don't think that this will always go down so smoothly, but in this instance it was a conversation that I learned more about myself than anything. Mr. Ex said that he still likes me and is interested in having another date with me (he actually wanted to go out tonight), but I have plans with some of my girls from work that I can't cancel. I'm still considering things, but to be honest I feel more comfortable with watching Mr. Ex and his situation to see how it develops. I hope that his claim that he will make it happen is true (for his sake).
Thanks again for reading my blog. I love hearing from you guys and this whole process is helping me to grow up (even more). Hope that you enjoy the rest of this week no matter what it brings your way. I'm realizing that being flexible is just as important as following the plan.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
