Hello my faithful readers:
It's been waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long since I've written here. I have to say as far as my dating life is concerned I simply have ignored it completely. Lately all I can think about is my huge running to-do list which includes my visa application (lengthy process folks!), wrapping up my final big project at work (Bonnaroo happening all next week) and packing/selling the 9 years of accumulated life here in NYC (did I mention I'm a bit of a pack rat?!?!). I type this all as I'm thinking about my ever growing list of the dozen other things I need to accomplish in the next day or two.
What has been going on for me in the dating world? Well... most recently I had been e-mailing with Bachelor #1 and I'd even gotten to the point where we'd exchanged numbers. He called me Memorial Weekend and I never called him back. I know totally rude of me right? I hated doing that, but I realized I just don't have the energy, nor the time to really truly focus on getting a new friendship started. I barely have time lately to keep up with the few friends I already have! Many of you haven't seen me in several months, simply because I'm running around crossing things off my to-do list.
That very next week, all within a couple of days of each other I received e-mails from 3 different men whom I'd dated or corresponded with at some point in the past couple of years (Mr. Ex was one of them) and the emails made me wonder - why now? I thought I'd closed the door on all of those friendships and seeing those e-mails for me was like having a big fancy picnic (MY BIG FANCY PICNIC) ruined by ants showing up and walking all over my food. My reactions to the notes ranged from"who is this?" to "slightly guilty because the tone of his e-mail seemed so delusional (to me)."
Now none of these men had any idea that they would all contact me within days of each other, but in situations like this one I am always reminded of the Alanis Morrisette song "Ironic." Hearing from a few old flames in the span of a week (ok I might be exaggerating by labeling them old flames) almost never happens (for me). Let's be real. Who am I kidding here? I'm not hearing from much of anyone lately. Personally I found getting all of these notes just as I was starting to mentally get "closure" on "life in NYC" a little unsettling. I have to admit that hearing from them all put me in a little bit of a funk for a few days (ok it was really a full week and a half), because I was reminded of all of my dating disappointments. I (always) need to believe that there has to be some higher purpose, but perhaps the purpose is just to toughen me up for the next leg of my journey. OR it could be that I'm reading too much into this and I just need to remained focused on the goal (getting ready for school in the fall).
I'm still determining the fate of my blog, because as much as I love sharing my dating journey with you all; I'm embarking on a different journey now and this means less activity on this blog (which has been dedicated to chronicling my dating adventures). Things are busy for me at work (at least until June 15th when I return from Bonnaroo) and I have less time to focus on coming up with interesting topics related to my dating life. You might not hear from me for a while, but I promise that I'll try to keep you posted on any possible dating adventures I have while abroad. Finding love is still a (big) priority for me, but for the duration of my MBA program (1 year) it won't be my primary focus.
Thanks for all of the love and support over the past couple of months. I really appreciate all of the advice, encouragement and love you guys have shown. I plan on enjoying my last month couple of months here in NYC. For those of you who don't live here there is NOTHING like NYC in the spring/summer. I love it! I hope that you have a wonderful summer too!
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendships. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Wasted time
Hello my faithful readers:
I hope that you're surviving the ups and downs we're having with the weather. Yesterday here in NYC it was pouring rain; today the temperature has dropped back down into the 40's (with the wind chill it feels like the 30's), yet all I can think about right now is the future. It's funny because the more I mature, the more I realize that my priorities are shifting. The goals of becoming a member of some board or the SVP of This and That no longer matter nearly as much as they did just a couple of years ago. Life is polishing some of the rough edges on me. Now more than ever I just want a bright and happy future for myself and my loved ones.
Yesterday I had a tough conversation with Mr. Ex, which resulted in him saying "Well I guess it's a waste of time for us to go out again." FINALLY I had the guts to say what's been on my mind for a few weeks now.
I had no intention of bringing it up yesterday, but he mentioned to me again of his desire to write a book. I told him that he should get started on this goal right now by devoting at least one hour of his day to writing. If you don't know this about me, I'm a strong believer in setting a goal and then working towards that goal. So I asked him flat out how he felt about his goals and whether or not he's good at meeting his goals. Probably not the most direct way to ask the question I wanted the answer to, but I wanted to hear his response. He said that he's met some of his goals and that some he definitely hasn't met yet, but overall he feels ok with where he is in life to date. I told him honestly that the reason I ask him so many questions about his goals is because I find him to be a bit of an enigma to me. He talks a good game and says that he wants to settle down, yet if you look at his accomplishments to date on paper, it doesn't add up to very much.
One thing that has come up in previous conversations with Mr. Ex is his belief that the women he has dated in the past ALL had issues with him not having his college degree. I was honest with him and said that his having the degree is not the problem for me. The biggest issue for me is the fact that he is 36 years old, doesn't seem to have any career goals and seems to be in a holding pattern of some sort. I asked him to think about the issue from my perspective. How would he feel if he was the one who had it going on all levels (career, financials, physical and spiritual) and he was dating someone who seemed to be floundering (similar to his current situation)? His response this response to me was "Behind every man is a good woman." I agree that this statement is true, but asked him if he felt he should have his situation a little more stable before getting into a serious relationship. It was at this moment that the battery in his phone started to die and he told me he'd call me back.
When Mr. Ex called me back later that evening, he told me that he understood where I was coming from. Apparently he had been thinking about this too (although I think for him he really thought it was about whether he has a degree or not) and I had to ask him again if he felt he was ready to get into a serious relationship with anyone. He said that he is indeed ready and declared that things will fall into place for him. That he has the desire and that he's had a few setbacks in life, but he truly believes that he will be ok. He then shared that before he moved to NJ he had worked on a business plan for a couple of businesses (an Angolan restaurant and an import/export business). He said that he had a business plan that he worked on a few years ago, but that he's had a few setbacks over the years and has not worked on launching either in some time.
I got the sense that life for him got off track for Mr. Ex in 2003. That's the year he fixated on and that seems to be the last time he felt like he was doing well in regards to his work and financial life. He gave me a little of the back story about the situation, which involved living with a woman, a break-up and a car (always a recipe for disaster in my book). Needless to say he said for the first time in all of our talks that if things don't work out for him in NJ in a year he will probably move home. This is someone who just a week and a half ago on our last date said he never wants to move back home. Honestly, I think it is as a result of pressure from his family to move home because they see the same thing I see someone who is in his mid-30's floundering.
I am happy that I got this off my chest because I had been holding back because quite simply I wasn't sure how to tactfully bring it up. I don't think that this will always go down so smoothly, but in this instance it was a conversation that I learned more about myself than anything. Mr. Ex said that he still likes me and is interested in having another date with me (he actually wanted to go out tonight), but I have plans with some of my girls from work that I can't cancel. I'm still considering things, but to be honest I feel more comfortable with watching Mr. Ex and his situation to see how it develops. I hope that his claim that he will make it happen is true (for his sake).
Thanks again for reading my blog. I love hearing from you guys and this whole process is helping me to grow up (even more). Hope that you enjoy the rest of this week no matter what it brings your way. I'm realizing that being flexible is just as important as following the plan.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
I hope that you're surviving the ups and downs we're having with the weather. Yesterday here in NYC it was pouring rain; today the temperature has dropped back down into the 40's (with the wind chill it feels like the 30's), yet all I can think about right now is the future. It's funny because the more I mature, the more I realize that my priorities are shifting. The goals of becoming a member of some board or the SVP of This and That no longer matter nearly as much as they did just a couple of years ago. Life is polishing some of the rough edges on me. Now more than ever I just want a bright and happy future for myself and my loved ones.
Yesterday I had a tough conversation with Mr. Ex, which resulted in him saying "Well I guess it's a waste of time for us to go out again." FINALLY I had the guts to say what's been on my mind for a few weeks now.
I had no intention of bringing it up yesterday, but he mentioned to me again of his desire to write a book. I told him that he should get started on this goal right now by devoting at least one hour of his day to writing. If you don't know this about me, I'm a strong believer in setting a goal and then working towards that goal. So I asked him flat out how he felt about his goals and whether or not he's good at meeting his goals. Probably not the most direct way to ask the question I wanted the answer to, but I wanted to hear his response. He said that he's met some of his goals and that some he definitely hasn't met yet, but overall he feels ok with where he is in life to date. I told him honestly that the reason I ask him so many questions about his goals is because I find him to be a bit of an enigma to me. He talks a good game and says that he wants to settle down, yet if you look at his accomplishments to date on paper, it doesn't add up to very much.
One thing that has come up in previous conversations with Mr. Ex is his belief that the women he has dated in the past ALL had issues with him not having his college degree. I was honest with him and said that his having the degree is not the problem for me. The biggest issue for me is the fact that he is 36 years old, doesn't seem to have any career goals and seems to be in a holding pattern of some sort. I asked him to think about the issue from my perspective. How would he feel if he was the one who had it going on all levels (career, financials, physical and spiritual) and he was dating someone who seemed to be floundering (similar to his current situation)? His response this response to me was "Behind every man is a good woman." I agree that this statement is true, but asked him if he felt he should have his situation a little more stable before getting into a serious relationship. It was at this moment that the battery in his phone started to die and he told me he'd call me back.
When Mr. Ex called me back later that evening, he told me that he understood where I was coming from. Apparently he had been thinking about this too (although I think for him he really thought it was about whether he has a degree or not) and I had to ask him again if he felt he was ready to get into a serious relationship with anyone. He said that he is indeed ready and declared that things will fall into place for him. That he has the desire and that he's had a few setbacks in life, but he truly believes that he will be ok. He then shared that before he moved to NJ he had worked on a business plan for a couple of businesses (an Angolan restaurant and an import/export business). He said that he had a business plan that he worked on a few years ago, but that he's had a few setbacks over the years and has not worked on launching either in some time.
I got the sense that life for him got off track for Mr. Ex in 2003. That's the year he fixated on and that seems to be the last time he felt like he was doing well in regards to his work and financial life. He gave me a little of the back story about the situation, which involved living with a woman, a break-up and a car (always a recipe for disaster in my book). Needless to say he said for the first time in all of our talks that if things don't work out for him in NJ in a year he will probably move home. This is someone who just a week and a half ago on our last date said he never wants to move back home. Honestly, I think it is as a result of pressure from his family to move home because they see the same thing I see someone who is in his mid-30's floundering.
I am happy that I got this off my chest because I had been holding back because quite simply I wasn't sure how to tactfully bring it up. I don't think that this will always go down so smoothly, but in this instance it was a conversation that I learned more about myself than anything. Mr. Ex said that he still likes me and is interested in having another date with me (he actually wanted to go out tonight), but I have plans with some of my girls from work that I can't cancel. I'm still considering things, but to be honest I feel more comfortable with watching Mr. Ex and his situation to see how it develops. I hope that his claim that he will make it happen is true (for his sake).
Thanks again for reading my blog. I love hearing from you guys and this whole process is helping me to grow up (even more). Hope that you enjoy the rest of this week no matter what it brings your way. I'm realizing that being flexible is just as important as following the plan.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Monday, January 26, 2009
Speed dating recap
Hello to all my readers:
Happy Monday morning to you all! First off I have to say that it's way too cold for me and my Georgia blood right now. I am suffering with the below freezing temperatures we have been experiencing lately. As I type this I know it sounds lame, but that's my reason for not doing a darned thing this weekend. The cold froze my will to get out of my apartment. Yes, I know, I know, I know, I know - this is the LAMEST of the lame excuses. What can I say except I'll try harder once the weather warms up? Those of you who know me well can at least admit to yourselves that I'm indeed more of a social butterfly in warmer weather.
As far as my Friday night speed dating experience - I had a good time all things considered. The whole experience was pretty intense so those of you who hate meeting lots of new people or can't stand screaming to be heard over the buzz of 43 other singles might want to avoid the experience. I arrived at People Lounge on Friday night a little late (note: the event organizers encourage you to get there at least 20-30 mins early to get settled in). There were a couple of people checking in at the door before me and then a couple of other folks came in right after me. I signed in, grabbed my name tag and then proceeded to find the coat check. Everyone was sort of standing around talking and I asked a couple of guys who were sort of just standing together awkwardly if they knew where the coat check was. One guy told me that the door behind him is the coat check and I should just hang my coat up. Of course this isn't what I was supposed to do and one of the People Lounge staffers cames over to give me a good talking to about not just going in and hanging my coat up willy nilly. I proceed to make a jokes about the incident and say, but this guy told me that I was supposed to hang it in there. The staffer wasn't amused, but it was funny to me and I was a little less nervous after that.
I made small talk with the group of guys who led me astray and surreptitiously surveyed the scene in the bar with my peripheral vision. I'm a tall young woman at 5'10" and most of the guys in the bar barely reached 5'8" so I was a little disappointed by the selection right off the bat. There was a rainbow coalition of every ethnicity in the bar, especially indian, arab, white and asian men. Later as I discovered in my dating sessions that there was one guy from Ghana (for all of you wondering if there were any black men there). I realized immediately that this isn't a group of guys I would normally want to date, but I decided to continue the night in an open minded fashion. After a few minutes of chatting with the guys in my group the event host herded all the women upstairs to the dating area. One of the guys in that initial group seemed to be an expert on speed dating and he kindly gave me a few more leads on other companies that do it in our date later that night.
I sat next to one of my new friends from downstairs Jessica. She was there alone because her friend bailed on her last minute. Jessica was relatively new to New York so she was trying speed dating to meet new people. As far as the other women in the dating crew I saw mostly white women with a couple of black and asian women thrown in for good measure. Overall the profile of all of the daters was relatively young (tonight's theme was young professionals 21-35) and mostly everyone looked to be in their mid-20's or younger.
We sat there and waited for the event host bring the men up. As everyone is finding their seat I'm sitting there wondering - which one of these lucky gentleman will be my first date? Well big surprise for me because everyone got a date, BUT ME in the first round. This was a huge blow to my ego. I was sitting there thinking "ok where's my date" and no one sat down with me. What a blow to the ego... so as the event host gets everyone going with a yell that we have 5 minutes, I sit there, then proceed to pull my blackberry out and hop onto my lifeline facebook. The event host comes over to sit with me and explains (jokingly) that he'll be my first date. He explained to me that there were 22 women and 21 men at the event and so for the first round I wouldn't have a date in the first 5 minute dating session. He then explained that the way it works is that you have a 5 minute date with everyone participating. We would have breaks in between ever few dates (roughly every 5 dates) and at that time we could make notes on the guys on the pen and paper they provided. At the end of the night we were to use the "match" cards provided to put our final selections or "matches" down on the card and submit it to him the event host. On the next day if we have "matches" then we will receive an e-mail with the full name and contact info (email and phone number) of our matches. I thanked him for explaining everything to me and then proceeded to wait for my first date.
Now just to explain the scene in the room a little better, there are 43 other men and women chattering away, frantically trying to get to know each other in 5 minutes. The noise level in that room is like a loud roar with everyone trying to get their little sales pitches for themselves in. Finally after what seems like less than 5 full minutes, the event host yells "Stop" and tells the men to get up and rotate to tthe seat to their right. Here's where Imy night finally started and I met my first date. First date and I connected over salsa dancing, the 2nd date was a tall young white man who said he can fight and then proceeded to tell all sorts of stories about getting into fights at clubs (of course he was 22) and the tallest thing in the party. The first few after that are all pretty much blurs in my mind now. I did love chatting everyone up as the queen of small talk, so all in I'm having a good time.
There were a couple of guys whom I connected with specifically over music - one guy invited me out afterwards to see his friend's band play, one date really seemed to dig my love of photography (we geeked out over equipment and style together) and one guy just seemed arrogant. He flat out said he likes ONLY cats, insisted that the ending to Slumdog Millionaire sucked and that Notorious wasn't worth the film it was shot on. Out of all 22 of my dates only one repulsed me with his personality. He was a young attorney who had recently started a new job and was studying to pass the bar exam. He had a "Debbie Downer" personality. and out of all the men I dated that night, he is the only one that I flat out wrote NO next to his name.
So by the end of all that how many matches did I get? Well I put down five or six names (right now I can't remember) and my pen was barely working on the paper. Out of the three matches I received I only remember or have notes on two of them. One was the photography guy who physically reminds me of a cuter version of "Turtle" from Entourage. One of my other "matches" I wrote was nice and suave. The final match escapes my memory - I don't remember him at all and didn't write any notes about him I'm sorry to say.
If you're interested in speed dating here are my recommendations for you:
1) Carefully review the specific theme nights - for me I would try a more focused theme. The young professionals was really a mixed bag and most of the daters really seemed a little young for me.
2) Be open-minded
3) Get ready to pay for your own drinks - they aren't necessarily included in the price of admission
4) Have fun and pace yourself. Speed dating is an intense experience and it can get tiring if you have 22 dates to get through in one night.
Here's a link to a couple of speed dating companies in the NYC area:
http://www.nyminutedating.com/ - this is the one I tried
http://www.nyeasydates.com/ - one recommended by one of the other speed daters
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Happy Monday morning to you all! First off I have to say that it's way too cold for me and my Georgia blood right now. I am suffering with the below freezing temperatures we have been experiencing lately. As I type this I know it sounds lame, but that's my reason for not doing a darned thing this weekend. The cold froze my will to get out of my apartment. Yes, I know, I know, I know, I know - this is the LAMEST of the lame excuses. What can I say except I'll try harder once the weather warms up? Those of you who know me well can at least admit to yourselves that I'm indeed more of a social butterfly in warmer weather.
As far as my Friday night speed dating experience - I had a good time all things considered. The whole experience was pretty intense so those of you who hate meeting lots of new people or can't stand screaming to be heard over the buzz of 43 other singles might want to avoid the experience. I arrived at People Lounge on Friday night a little late (note: the event organizers encourage you to get there at least 20-30 mins early to get settled in). There were a couple of people checking in at the door before me and then a couple of other folks came in right after me. I signed in, grabbed my name tag and then proceeded to find the coat check. Everyone was sort of standing around talking and I asked a couple of guys who were sort of just standing together awkwardly if they knew where the coat check was. One guy told me that the door behind him is the coat check and I should just hang my coat up. Of course this isn't what I was supposed to do and one of the People Lounge staffers cames over to give me a good talking to about not just going in and hanging my coat up willy nilly. I proceed to make a jokes about the incident and say, but this guy told me that I was supposed to hang it in there. The staffer wasn't amused, but it was funny to me and I was a little less nervous after that.
I made small talk with the group of guys who led me astray and surreptitiously surveyed the scene in the bar with my peripheral vision. I'm a tall young woman at 5'10" and most of the guys in the bar barely reached 5'8" so I was a little disappointed by the selection right off the bat. There was a rainbow coalition of every ethnicity in the bar, especially indian, arab, white and asian men. Later as I discovered in my dating sessions that there was one guy from Ghana (for all of you wondering if there were any black men there). I realized immediately that this isn't a group of guys I would normally want to date, but I decided to continue the night in an open minded fashion. After a few minutes of chatting with the guys in my group the event host herded all the women upstairs to the dating area. One of the guys in that initial group seemed to be an expert on speed dating and he kindly gave me a few more leads on other companies that do it in our date later that night.
I sat next to one of my new friends from downstairs Jessica. She was there alone because her friend bailed on her last minute. Jessica was relatively new to New York so she was trying speed dating to meet new people. As far as the other women in the dating crew I saw mostly white women with a couple of black and asian women thrown in for good measure. Overall the profile of all of the daters was relatively young (tonight's theme was young professionals 21-35) and mostly everyone looked to be in their mid-20's or younger.
We sat there and waited for the event host bring the men up. As everyone is finding their seat I'm sitting there wondering - which one of these lucky gentleman will be my first date? Well big surprise for me because everyone got a date, BUT ME in the first round. This was a huge blow to my ego. I was sitting there thinking "ok where's my date" and no one sat down with me. What a blow to the ego... so as the event host gets everyone going with a yell that we have 5 minutes, I sit there, then proceed to pull my blackberry out and hop onto my lifeline facebook. The event host comes over to sit with me and explains (jokingly) that he'll be my first date. He explained to me that there were 22 women and 21 men at the event and so for the first round I wouldn't have a date in the first 5 minute dating session. He then explained that the way it works is that you have a 5 minute date with everyone participating. We would have breaks in between ever few dates (roughly every 5 dates) and at that time we could make notes on the guys on the pen and paper they provided. At the end of the night we were to use the "match" cards provided to put our final selections or "matches" down on the card and submit it to him the event host. On the next day if we have "matches" then we will receive an e-mail with the full name and contact info (email and phone number) of our matches. I thanked him for explaining everything to me and then proceeded to wait for my first date.
Now just to explain the scene in the room a little better, there are 43 other men and women chattering away, frantically trying to get to know each other in 5 minutes. The noise level in that room is like a loud roar with everyone trying to get their little sales pitches for themselves in. Finally after what seems like less than 5 full minutes, the event host yells "Stop" and tells the men to get up and rotate to tthe seat to their right. Here's where Imy night finally started and I met my first date. First date and I connected over salsa dancing, the 2nd date was a tall young white man who said he can fight and then proceeded to tell all sorts of stories about getting into fights at clubs (of course he was 22) and the tallest thing in the party. The first few after that are all pretty much blurs in my mind now. I did love chatting everyone up as the queen of small talk, so all in I'm having a good time.
There were a couple of guys whom I connected with specifically over music - one guy invited me out afterwards to see his friend's band play, one date really seemed to dig my love of photography (we geeked out over equipment and style together) and one guy just seemed arrogant. He flat out said he likes ONLY cats, insisted that the ending to Slumdog Millionaire sucked and that Notorious wasn't worth the film it was shot on. Out of all 22 of my dates only one repulsed me with his personality. He was a young attorney who had recently started a new job and was studying to pass the bar exam. He had a "Debbie Downer" personality. and out of all the men I dated that night, he is the only one that I flat out wrote NO next to his name.
So by the end of all that how many matches did I get? Well I put down five or six names (right now I can't remember) and my pen was barely working on the paper. Out of the three matches I received I only remember or have notes on two of them. One was the photography guy who physically reminds me of a cuter version of "Turtle" from Entourage. One of my other "matches" I wrote was nice and suave. The final match escapes my memory - I don't remember him at all and didn't write any notes about him I'm sorry to say.
If you're interested in speed dating here are my recommendations for you:
1) Carefully review the specific theme nights - for me I would try a more focused theme. The young professionals was really a mixed bag and most of the daters really seemed a little young for me.
2) Be open-minded
3) Get ready to pay for your own drinks - they aren't necessarily included in the price of admission
4) Have fun and pace yourself. Speed dating is an intense experience and it can get tiring if you have 22 dates to get through in one night.
Here's a link to a couple of speed dating companies in the NYC area:
http://www.nyminutedating.com/ - this is the one I tried
http://www.nyeasydates.com/ - one recommended by one of the other speed daters
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
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