Hello my faithful readers:
It's been a while since I last regaled you with my dating tales and for that I apologize, but it's simply because I haven't had anything that I felt would be of interest to report this week. Things are slow and I seem to be in the middle of a dating drought. Ok that might be a little dramatic since it's really only been a week, but honestly I'm a little uninspired by my present dating options.
I have recently started corresponding with a couple of gentleman from the online dating website http://www.plentyoffish.com/. The site is one of the few free dating websites out there and I have to say that from my perspective as a marketing professional it is a little unappealing because of the cluttered look and feel of the user interface (UI for all you web pro's out there). Now the guys I've met seem like nice people, but none of them have me enthused enough to go out on a date with them.
One of the guys who I will now affectionately refer to as Mr. Ex is a nice guy. Mr. Ex is 36, is from Angola and works in sales in New Jersey (30 miles past Newark). He seems to LOVE talking to me about all of his ex girlfriends. Since I'm such a patient listener, I suppose he thinks I'm the best place to get it all off his chest, but to be honest and like most people, I have no real interest in him remininscing about all of the women he's had in his life. Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but that's all he seems to go on about and the other day I cut our conversation short after about ten minutes and told him I needed to go get ready for bed. He called me last night and I couldn't make myself return the call because I simply didn't have the energy to listen to another story.
One of the other men, The Music Teacher, is also 36 (hey that might be my magic number) who doesn't have a profile pic up and his profile says he's just there to "Hang Out." He keeps e-mailing me to go out on a date with him, but my red flags are raised by anyone who doesn't know how to put a pic up on their profile. Not that looks are the end all be all for me, but I think it's a little unfair that he can see me, but I can't see him. He seems nice enough, but again nothing about him, his responses to my questions makes me all that inclined to meet up with him. When I asked him what about my profile attracted him to me he said "I just think you're beautiful." That's a nice sentiment, but I don't even think he read my profile to see if we have anything in common.
I know, I know, I know... some of you think I'm just being nitpicky and YES perhaps I am. But I'm ok waiting for quality at this stage in my life. As I meet more and more people I'm realizing that what is most important for me isn't quantity, but the quality of the man. I'm sure some of these men will make nice friends for me in the future, but for now I think I can keep it moving.
This weekend I'm planning to hit up a few parties, there's a networking "Family Day" event for TJ Martell on Saturday and a friend of mine is having a birthday hang tomorrow night, plus The Brooklyn Museum is having its First Saturday party tomorrow night as well. I'll try to hit up at least one of these things and get my booty out of my apartment so that I can meet other people. Although I was a little weary when I started this week and even whined to one of my co-workers that "This is haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard," I'm feeling much better as I head into this weekend. My priorities are straight, I feel much better health wise and I'm really loving me and all I have to offer right now.
I hope that you guys have a great weekend! Thanks for the support and if you want to be my Platonic Activity Partner (or my wing man or wing woman) this weekend hit me up. I'd love to have some company. I'm hoping this weekend will get me out of this dating drought I seem to be stuck in.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Friday, March 6, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Keeping it in my pants
Hello my faithful readers:
MV finally called me around 1 pm on Saturday about meeting up that day. He asked what I felt like doing that day and I told him I was open to whatever he wanted to do with the exception of skydiving. He seemed to be at a loss for ideas so I threw out the idea of going to see the Oscar nominated shorts at the IFC Theater (thanks MILF for the suggestion). I jumped online to look for times and called out a few to him and was in the process of asking what time we should meet up when my landline rang. I told him I would call him back in about 5 minutes. I get back upstairs and called him and his voicemail picks up and I left a message telling him to call me back.
When I didn't hear from him within the next few minutes I continued cleaning my apartment and before you know it a few hours had passed. I realized if we were going to do this date thing I should probably figure out where he was so I texted him "U ok?" and he called me back immediately. Apparently he had headed into the city and was waiting for me. WTF? I was like we never confirmed a time so why did you come in without speaking to me? He said he was already heading in and he had been walking around killing time. I told him I needed about an hour and a half to get there to meet him and he releases a huge sigh and already I'm thinking to myself 'Who goes into the city without confirming a time or meeting place and what's the deal with your attitude?'
Realizing that I could have called him again or texted him earlier, I put a move on and jumped in the shower and head into the city. I call him before hopping on the train and we decide that we'll meet up in the West Village. When I meet him at the Barnes & Noble where he'd been killing time (secretly I loved that he chose to kill time in the bookstore) he asked what I felt like doing. I told him I was hungry and he mentioned that he had already eaten while waiting for me. Since I thought we were trying to catch the movie and it was a little after 7 I said that I could go for a slice of pizza.
While walking to the pizzeria I checked him out and noticed immediately that I hated his shoes. I then said "Oh you dressed up today" and he said "Oh no, I didn't I just have on a t-shirt under here." Folks I really wish that he hadn't unzipped his pullover sweater because the t-shirt he had on underneath had a little stain on it. and it wasn't the nicest t-shirt I'd ever seen. Mentally from that moment on I was paying extra attention to every action and every word he said. I realize now that this was probably the defining moment of the date for me because from that moment on lots of little things bothered me (subliminally).
We went to the pizzeria right next to the IFC Theater - I mentioned I didn't have any cash on me and he gave me a look and said "Oh you're one of those people who doesn't carry cash on you." I ordered a cheese slice and a bottle of water (he paid) and we sat in the back of the shop, I ate my slice and proceeded to question him more. The next thing that started to bother me was the fact that although I was asking him questions to get to know him better, there seemed to be no curiosity on his part about me.
Instead of going to the movies we decided to move on to a restaurant called Cuba for the mojitos (he suggested the place). It was cute and we both ordered mojitos , surprisingly he said it was too strong for him. We chatted a bit more and during conversation at Cuba I found out that he was older than I realized. It slipped out in the course of our conversation about birthday celebrations; he said that he was planning to celebrate his this year because it was a big one. He was turning 40. Although I didn't call him on the discrepancy I thought to myself - you're 39, but your profile at www.blacksingles.com says you're 37। Please believe I went home after our date and re-checked his profile and it indeed says that he's 37.
We got there and I have to say his house is pretty amazing. It was HUGE, although very masculine, tastefully decorated. He told me to make myself comfy, handed me the remote to his TV and headed into the kitchen to cook something to eat. I kept telling him I wasn't hungry, but he insisted on cooking for me (I never ate any of it because I made it clear I wasn't hungry). We sat there for a while watching TV together, then he tried to make out a bit and I told him "No" and explained that hey I liked him, but I'm not that easy. Here is where I must remind you that even though mentally I was turned off by a few things about MV, he is still damn FINE. Physically it was really hard for me to stand my ground and keep it in my pants. I give him kudos for being respectful of me and immediately backing off without pushing the issue.
Our date turned into a sleep over with my simple request for a blanket. It was a little chilly, we were downstairs watching TV and then he said "We'll be more comfortable up in my room." Now this move sealed my fate - I was going to get NO SLEEP that night, by agreeing to be his snuggle bunny for the night. You know why? Because this dude snores like a damn chainsaw. He snored and snored and snored. I realized that God was punishing me for not speaking up and getting my ass out of there by torturing me with MV's loud snoring. Needless to say, snoring IS NOT SEXY and his snoring is so bad that even if I didn't have other issues with him, for the snoring alone it I'm not sure I could see him again.
We finally got moving early that morning around 6:30. I'd mentioned to him the previous night that I wanted to go to my church for the 8 am service and said that as long as he got me home in time I could stay the night. Now I get up and change back into my clothes (he'd given me a t-shirt and sweats to sleep in). I don't do any real washing up, but I did brush my teeth - I always keep my travel toothbrush in my cosmetics bag and he proceeds to take his sweet, sweet time showering and getting dressed for his own church service. I didn't get home until almost 8 and at that point I was annoyed that he was so damn inconsiderate. He had the nerve to say to me "Want to go with me to church." My tart response was "Maybe next time when I am prepared for it."
So I was able to keep it in my pants. Was I at fault for some of the stuff that went down - yes, I probably should have spoken up, but I do think that God took care of his judgement by making sure I got no sleep (and not for a good reason like making sweet, sweet love) because of MV's snoring. I believe that a person tells you who they are when you first meet them and it's up to you to decide whether or not you can deal with who they are at that point. No one ever changes because you want them to, they change because they want to make that change. I decided after our 2nd date MV and I seem to be less compatible than I initially thought we were. I just don't think he's that into me and I'm thankful for meeting him because he helped to define what I want out of my mate even more. My mate needs to be interested in me, considerate, not a liar and some clearly defined goals for themselves.
Happy Tuesday! Today I'm in a great mood because I heard Mary J. Blige's song "Just Fine." She has a couple of lines that describe exactly how I'm feeling right now:
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
It’s been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right
As promised today I'm going to share part two of my weekend adventures. I had a 2nd date with Mystervee (MV)- the guy who likes his girls "spontaneous." Well let's just say that although it wasn't a bad date, I realized that he's probably not someone I could see myself ever getting serious about. I am going to try to be fair and balanced in sharing this story with you and recognize that I am no angel and in the end he may feel like I led him on simply because I didn't speak up about certain things. To put some of my observations into context I should share that I recently read the new Steve Harvey book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment" because it puts into context some of the issues I had with MV.
MV finally called me around 1 pm on Saturday about meeting up that day. He asked what I felt like doing that day and I told him I was open to whatever he wanted to do with the exception of skydiving. He seemed to be at a loss for ideas so I threw out the idea of going to see the Oscar nominated shorts at the IFC Theater (thanks MILF for the suggestion). I jumped online to look for times and called out a few to him and was in the process of asking what time we should meet up when my landline rang. I told him I would call him back in about 5 minutes. I get back upstairs and called him and his voicemail picks up and I left a message telling him to call me back.
When I didn't hear from him within the next few minutes I continued cleaning my apartment and before you know it a few hours had passed. I realized if we were going to do this date thing I should probably figure out where he was so I texted him "U ok?" and he called me back immediately. Apparently he had headed into the city and was waiting for me. WTF? I was like we never confirmed a time so why did you come in without speaking to me? He said he was already heading in and he had been walking around killing time. I told him I needed about an hour and a half to get there to meet him and he releases a huge sigh and already I'm thinking to myself 'Who goes into the city without confirming a time or meeting place and what's the deal with your attitude?'
Realizing that I could have called him again or texted him earlier, I put a move on and jumped in the shower and head into the city. I call him before hopping on the train and we decide that we'll meet up in the West Village. When I meet him at the Barnes & Noble where he'd been killing time (secretly I loved that he chose to kill time in the bookstore) he asked what I felt like doing. I told him I was hungry and he mentioned that he had already eaten while waiting for me. Since I thought we were trying to catch the movie and it was a little after 7 I said that I could go for a slice of pizza.
While walking to the pizzeria I checked him out and noticed immediately that I hated his shoes. I then said "Oh you dressed up today" and he said "Oh no, I didn't I just have on a t-shirt under here." Folks I really wish that he hadn't unzipped his pullover sweater because the t-shirt he had on underneath had a little stain on it. and it wasn't the nicest t-shirt I'd ever seen. Mentally from that moment on I was paying extra attention to every action and every word he said. I realize now that this was probably the defining moment of the date for me because from that moment on lots of little things bothered me (subliminally).
We went to the pizzeria right next to the IFC Theater - I mentioned I didn't have any cash on me and he gave me a look and said "Oh you're one of those people who doesn't carry cash on you." I ordered a cheese slice and a bottle of water (he paid) and we sat in the back of the shop, I ate my slice and proceeded to question him more. The next thing that started to bother me was the fact that although I was asking him questions to get to know him better, there seemed to be no curiosity on his part about me.
Instead of going to the movies we decided to move on to a restaurant called Cuba for the mojitos (he suggested the place). It was cute and we both ordered mojitos , surprisingly he said it was too strong for him. We chatted a bit more and during conversation at Cuba I found out that he was older than I realized. It slipped out in the course of our conversation about birthday celebrations; he said that he was planning to celebrate his this year because it was a big one. He was turning 40. Although I didn't call him on the discrepancy I thought to myself - you're 39, but your profile at www.blacksingles.com says you're 37। Please believe I went home after our date and re-checked his profile and it indeed says that he's 37.
After our drinks at Cuba, we decided to walk around the village a little bit। We stopped in a bookstore because he said he needed to look for some books for his paper at school. He's studying Social History and his project is a profile on Lincoln and his personal life. He mentioned that he is thinking about going back for his degree. When I asked him about what particular degree he was vague and his response was "whatever falls into place." Now I will admit that I had questioned him about his short term goals (per Steve's book) on the phone earlier that week and he was equally vague about his immediate short term goals saying that he was going to try to get some things going by investing in real estate again, but with a similar attitude of whatever fell into place would be what he pursues. After leaving the bookstore we stopped by his car to grab his gloves and he reaches over and kisses me. It was a nice kiss and I'd be lying to you all if I didn't admit that I am still very physically attracted to this dude. He's cute and he knows it...
After walking around a little more, he was trying to decide whether or not he would attend his nieces birthday party that night. I strongly encouraged him to go after his sister called him about it during our date. He decides that he isn't going to the birthday and mentions he's hungry again. I said I'd be happy to go with him to a restaurant if he was hungry. He then says "I have food at my house." Now I'm curious about this guy and I've heard about his house (he owns it) and curiosity got the best of me so I left my good sense back in the city and agreed to go to NJ to his place.
We got there and I have to say his house is pretty amazing. It was HUGE, although very masculine, tastefully decorated. He told me to make myself comfy, handed me the remote to his TV and headed into the kitchen to cook something to eat. I kept telling him I wasn't hungry, but he insisted on cooking for me (I never ate any of it because I made it clear I wasn't hungry). We sat there for a while watching TV together, then he tried to make out a bit and I told him "No" and explained that hey I liked him, but I'm not that easy. Here is where I must remind you that even though mentally I was turned off by a few things about MV, he is still damn FINE. Physically it was really hard for me to stand my ground and keep it in my pants. I give him kudos for being respectful of me and immediately backing off without pushing the issue.
Our date turned into a sleep over with my simple request for a blanket. It was a little chilly, we were downstairs watching TV and then he said "We'll be more comfortable up in my room." Now this move sealed my fate - I was going to get NO SLEEP that night, by agreeing to be his snuggle bunny for the night. You know why? Because this dude snores like a damn chainsaw. He snored and snored and snored. I realized that God was punishing me for not speaking up and getting my ass out of there by torturing me with MV's loud snoring. Needless to say, snoring IS NOT SEXY and his snoring is so bad that even if I didn't have other issues with him, for the snoring alone it I'm not sure I could see him again.
We finally got moving early that morning around 6:30. I'd mentioned to him the previous night that I wanted to go to my church for the 8 am service and said that as long as he got me home in time I could stay the night. Now I get up and change back into my clothes (he'd given me a t-shirt and sweats to sleep in). I don't do any real washing up, but I did brush my teeth - I always keep my travel toothbrush in my cosmetics bag and he proceeds to take his sweet, sweet time showering and getting dressed for his own church service. I didn't get home until almost 8 and at that point I was annoyed that he was so damn inconsiderate. He had the nerve to say to me "Want to go with me to church." My tart response was "Maybe next time when I am prepared for it."
So I was able to keep it in my pants. Was I at fault for some of the stuff that went down - yes, I probably should have spoken up, but I do think that God took care of his judgement by making sure I got no sleep (and not for a good reason like making sweet, sweet love) because of MV's snoring. I believe that a person tells you who they are when you first meet them and it's up to you to decide whether or not you can deal with who they are at that point. No one ever changes because you want them to, they change because they want to make that change. I decided after our 2nd date MV and I seem to be less compatible than I initially thought we were. I just don't think he's that into me and I'm thankful for meeting him because he helped to define what I want out of my mate even more. My mate needs to be interested in me, considerate, not a liar and some clearly defined goals for themselves.
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I hate texting
Hello Faithful Readers:
Hope that you're all enjoying this fine Tuesday morning. I have to say that you guys are some of the most supportive people I've ever met. Thanks for all of the advice and support you have given me along the way and here's where I encourage you all to keep it coming, because I LOVE hearing from you.
Last night I went out with one of my co-workers, Ms. Vega, to a lovely networking event for a group called Supernodes at a very sexy wine bar called CLO in the Time Warner Center. It was a futuristic experience and eventually I'd like to go back under less crowded circumstances. I felt like I was at my high school reunion because I saw a bunch of my old co-workers from IDJ and it was great seeing that everyone is doing so well now.
One of the people I met, a great guy named T, and I ended up getting into a discussion about women and their relationships with men. I'm not sure how we even got on the subject so quickly, but he said that women need to tell men what it is they want, simply because men aren't mind-readers and all women are different. One thing he said really resonated with me "Women always have it easier because with men if you get the general [owners] manual for a man, you basically have an understanding of how to deal with most men. With women each one requires a different 300 page [owners] manual. I'd never really thought of myself or any of my female friends in these terms and it made me realize that perhaps he's on to something. I know that I'm definitely like any of my friends when it comes to dating and relationships.
T also brought up something last night that I had been complaining about for a while now. He said that texting has made dating life much easier for men. Men can send a mass text messages to all of their girls and it makes us ladies feel our guy is actually thinking about us. Texting also offers the guys the opportunity to get assistance from their boys on what to say in the text. Plus texting allows us all to take our time in responding versus a phone or in person conversation.
His comments caused me to think about my own current situation. Last Friday the day after our first coffee date Mystervee texted me to say he enjoyed the meeting. Then he continued to hold a full text conversation until after a few exchanges it ended. I complained to my friend Digi Jay and he gave me a piece of advice that blew my mind. Quite simply he said to text MV with the following message: CALL ME. This advice was mind boggling for me, because as outspoken as I normally am, I'd never even considered saying something about my issues with texting. Now I probably should explain that my biggest issue with texting is more about having a full on conversation via text. I don't mind if you use it to pass along quick information or confirm a meeting time or something along those lines, but if your text requires a several text message back and forth exchange; personally I'd prefer it if you just picked up the phone to call me. So I suffered through lots of texting during the weekend and finally when we were talking [on the phone] last night I finally told him that I hated texting and preferred to have conversations on the phone if we couldn't see each other.
You know what? I actually felt much better after I got that off my chest. Now we'll see what happens with MV after my comment, I'm hoping he was listening and not just hearing what I said. I have a feeling that we'll be good friends at the end of our experience if nothing else, but I won't be nearly as afraid to say what I mean with any of the guys I date. Now I just have to break all of my new friends of their texting habits. Yep the Youngun is also a big text abuser!
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
Hope that you're all enjoying this fine Tuesday morning. I have to say that you guys are some of the most supportive people I've ever met. Thanks for all of the advice and support you have given me along the way and here's where I encourage you all to keep it coming, because I LOVE hearing from you.
Last night I went out with one of my co-workers, Ms. Vega, to a lovely networking event for a group called Supernodes at a very sexy wine bar called CLO in the Time Warner Center. It was a futuristic experience and eventually I'd like to go back under less crowded circumstances. I felt like I was at my high school reunion because I saw a bunch of my old co-workers from IDJ and it was great seeing that everyone is doing so well now.
One of the people I met, a great guy named T, and I ended up getting into a discussion about women and their relationships with men. I'm not sure how we even got on the subject so quickly, but he said that women need to tell men what it is they want, simply because men aren't mind-readers and all women are different. One thing he said really resonated with me "Women always have it easier because with men if you get the general [owners] manual for a man, you basically have an understanding of how to deal with most men. With women each one requires a different 300 page [owners] manual. I'd never really thought of myself or any of my female friends in these terms and it made me realize that perhaps he's on to something. I know that I'm definitely like any of my friends when it comes to dating and relationships.
T also brought up something last night that I had been complaining about for a while now. He said that texting has made dating life much easier for men. Men can send a mass text messages to all of their girls and it makes us ladies feel our guy is actually thinking about us. Texting also offers the guys the opportunity to get assistance from their boys on what to say in the text. Plus texting allows us all to take our time in responding versus a phone or in person conversation.
His comments caused me to think about my own current situation. Last Friday the day after our first coffee date Mystervee texted me to say he enjoyed the meeting. Then he continued to hold a full text conversation until after a few exchanges it ended. I complained to my friend Digi Jay and he gave me a piece of advice that blew my mind. Quite simply he said to text MV with the following message: CALL ME. This advice was mind boggling for me, because as outspoken as I normally am, I'd never even considered saying something about my issues with texting. Now I probably should explain that my biggest issue with texting is more about having a full on conversation via text. I don't mind if you use it to pass along quick information or confirm a meeting time or something along those lines, but if your text requires a several text message back and forth exchange; personally I'd prefer it if you just picked up the phone to call me. So I suffered through lots of texting during the weekend and finally when we were talking [on the phone] last night I finally told him that I hated texting and preferred to have conversations on the phone if we couldn't see each other.
You know what? I actually felt much better after I got that off my chest. Now we'll see what happens with MV after my comment, I'm hoping he was listening and not just hearing what I said. I have a feeling that we'll be good friends at the end of our experience if nothing else, but I won't be nearly as afraid to say what I mean with any of the guys I date. Now I just have to break all of my new friends of their texting habits. Yep the Youngun is also a big text abuser!
Mwuah,
Georgia Peach
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